Bonjour my dearest Friends! ❤❤❤
Since very many of you have so kindly expressed a lot of interest in reading more about my crazy roller coaster of endless health “bad news “, struggles, and sheer bad luck😷🤒🤕 , undergoing by now 8 consecutive SURGERIES in A ROW over these past year or so, all starting with my MASSIVE HEART ATTACK during which I, very unfortunately, “died” for “only” 😉 6 very VERY longggg minutes 😳- so I decided to group all of the various posts that I had done on Facebook and related to my little struggling health journey, here under for you to access as needed…
I truly hope that my modest words and sharings will both bring support and love to YOUR OWN journey and struggles, whichever they might be… and that they will also fill up your heart with endless gratefulness and sunshine 💗 if you happen to be so lucky as to NOT have any major health issues…
And all along I very sincerely hope that my words and sharings will also bring SMILES and LAUGHS to your day and reading of my posts from my playing silly and goofy at every opportunity I had while being in the midst of this endless roller coaster (and whenever my level of pain was temporarily bearable enough to give me a chance to be little me again! 😊🤓😜)… and such whether it was right during my many surgeries… or after… or during one of my sooooo many procedures and tests… or during my too many trips to the Emergency Room!
With much MUCH love to YOU 💗 as well as to all the people who live in your heart 💗
pascal
ps. of course by all means feel free to comment as you wish on any of my posts… share your own experiences… and ask me any questions at all that you would like for me to answer and write about.
As you probably know by now, my entire life is, by choice, a very open and very transparent book, one with endless new surprises, turns and twists… 😊 all while choosing a level of total vulnerability, sharing my deepest fears and worries just as much as my happiest and silliest moments… why not right ?
Life and emotions are too beautiful to be secretive, shameful, or un-shared… I truly believe that we are all one and the same, and that we all also have both suffering and joys in our lives, and in our hearts… and sharing it all allows us to connect so much more and on such a deeper level, with always so much more love and intimacy, and what could ever be more beautiful right!?…💗👫👬👭
ps2: …and if you would like to sprinkle your day with a few words of Love, Caring, Support and Inspiration, feel free to check this new section that I created on one of my websites… I truly hope that my modest words will bring some love to your day, and to you heart 💗http://photographybypascal.com/galleries/pascals-inspirational-series/
… and if you would like to enjoy even more INSPIRATION, LOVE and SUPPORT into your own journey ❤ feel free to take a peek into my modest BOOK by clicking here .. It has brought love and support to many… and it will bring a big smile to my own heart… if it brings love and support to yours 💕 Life is all about LOVE and PEOPLE and being there for each other… everything else is SO unimportant…
So after more than 2 years in the making my little book is finally completed and released 😍 and it features 100 of my original, and most popular, Inspirational Quotes (as well as very many of my Fine Art Photographs, and some of my Poetry as well), all spread out over 133 pages.
I truly hope that my modest quotes will humbly help you to dry a few tears (as they occasionally and inevitably come to our days, and to our souls, from life’s endless challenges and struggles), while also bringing endless smiles and joys to your lips, and to your heart 💗 on your very many todays, and tomorrows…
With much much (not a typo 🙂 ) love to YOU 💗
pascal
…and here is now for you, in REVERSE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER (so if you would prefer to start reading from my OLDEST posts and the VERY BEGINNING of my HEALTH STRUGGLES MAJOR ROLLER COASTER, a few years ago, then please scroll down to the very BOTTOM of this page), a few of my posts (and copies of some of my Facebook posts) about a few of the milestones of this journey… including first a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK 😔😥 + 8 SURGERIES 😥and countless PROCEDURES 😔+ my very recent brutal CARDIAC ARREST on 6/26/2020 😔😥
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
With lotsssss of love to YOU and to your beautiful heart
pascal
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
…these last few weeks have been filled with many (too many 🙁 ) medical tests and procedures to try to figure out why I feel so weak, so dizzy and so tired and my legs “off” most of the time and so randomly… 🙁
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
…several of you who follow my little roller coaster medical journey and the dozens of symptoms and sources of pain/struggles that I deal with daily, have sweetly asked me what the “FLOATERS” in my eyes look like?… and what my TINNITUS “sounds” like?… well… I am more than happy to share of course… just like I share any and all health struggles paving my days… so what you “see” constantly when having floaters (I have about 20 in each eye… constantly…) is EXACTYLY this…
This photo is a GREAT representation of what those little pest/flies/suckers 🙁 look like… NOT cool! lol 🙁 and they are much more visible on BRIGHT BACKGROUNDS… like the skies… and they gently “move around” and “float” since they are in a thin liquid… …now for my TINNITUS it sounds EXACTLY like this… and it does so ALL THE TIME… 24/7… sometimes the level of it gets so high that you truly feel like your brain is going to implode/explode.. or you want to hit your head on walls to make it stop 🙁 NOT fun at all !!! 🙁 that’s when it reaches occasionally an 8 or 9/10. Otherwise it is constantly at around 4 or 5/10 level… which is louder than TV or street noise or pretty much anything…
Now about my TINNITUS … it has been with me for almost 10 years now… and it took many years to get used to it somehow (since there is not a single way to “turn it off”… even for an instant!) … and it has definitely very painfully INCREASED for the past few years (not sure why? it increased a lot after my 1st Covid shot but could have been random? will never know… knowing would not make any difference anyways… so ACCEPTANCE is the only variable for me to focus on 🙂 just like with all my other endless health struggles… ). If I can modestly offer any advice?… please do NOT listen to music for hours at a time on headsets or earbuds as the odds are very high that this is how I created that “monster in my head”… and the monster is here to stay 🙁 until I die (I meant … “die again” in my case! lol since I already died twice and came back twice… first in a massive heart attack… then 2 years later in a brutal cardiac arrest…) .
With lots of love to YOU 🙂 and I truly hope that you do NOT have any of those disorders…
pascal
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
The INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL MAGIC of your beautiful heart❤ …and mine ❤… and our SOOOOO MAGICAL “HEARBEATS” <3 pure LOVE & BEAUTY!!!!
… this is a little sharing about my visit today at UNC… How INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL is this!???… TRULY!!!…
We are simply just NEVER GRATEFUL enough for our beautiful HEARTS, which are gifting us the ultimate luxury and gift of “LIFE”… with every single new heartbeat!!! 🙂 I know that personally, I was DEFINITELY NOT even close to grateful enough for my heart, and every single heartbeat of LIFE and LOVE that it had gifted me for years and decades… all before I died of a massive HEART ATTACK a couple of years ago (but was so lucky as to be brought back to life by the EMS after being dead for 6 long minutes)… and then died AGAIN! a 2nd time, of a brutal SUDDEN CARDIAC ARREST (SCA), and being brought back to life this time by the DEFIBRILLATOR (ICD) implanted in my chest, with wires going deep inside my heart (looking like a cute little snake or worm as you can see in the video)… and this time the ICD, and technology’s magic, is what brought me back to life (my heart rate had jumped up to…. 297! – aka… NOT GOOD AT ALL! lol ).
So why not for for EACH and EVERYONE of US ❤ to decide to have AT LEAST ONCE A DAY, a brief moment where we indeed CHOOSE to be AWARE of, and immensely GRATEFUL for, that most AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL organ of all… called… YOUR HEART! ❤
And YOUR HEART, and MINE… DO FUNCTION 24/7… 60 x 80 times an hour… 115,200 TIMES a DAY!!!!! every single day of YOUR LIFE, and MINE… it does not function “sometimes” … it functions ALL THE TIME… and when it does not, things don’t go “too well” (as it happened twice already for me) or… they don’t go ANYMORE… AT ALL… and your life is totally over… And all that INCREDIBLE MAGIC and literally MIRACLE… I thought of sharing this little video with you again 🙂 … for I deeply believe that the more we CHOOSE to FILL our minds, eyes, hearts, soul and spirit with GRATEFULNESS and things to be deeply GRATEFUL for… the more beautiful 🙂 this moment will be… and the more meaningful 🙂 our lives, as a whole, will be…
With lots of love to YOU! ❤ and to YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART! ❤
pascal ps: I made a little video of this screen as I was at UNC, discussing with one of my amazingggg heart surgeons, a new procedure that we needed to schedule…
ps2: please forgive the “nasal” voice and poor sound but… both my Dr. and I are wearing COVID 19 masks (thanks but NO THANKS “COVID”! 🙄 )
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
Well well well… when you rush to your urologist office early morning after a totally sleepless night in horrible pain from the 7 kidney stones you still have in both kidneys… and… you are both cracked up… AND … saddened…. by a new sign on the door of your urologist ‘s peepee room 😉 … and, despite the horrible pain you are in (9/10 last night n today! 😔) you are sooo immensely GRATEFUL ❤ that… even though I have literally dozens of medical issues… THAT ONE on that sign…I do NOT have and yayyyyy to that! 😆🤣
… right in the midst of my brutal CARDIAC ARREST and rushed to Hospital and Emergency Room … I was suddenly gifted a great OPPORTUNITY ❤ to expand and advance always more the CHOSEN ENDLESS COMPASSION of my heart, and of my soul… you can click here to read this post…
well… when you are … double gloved… and double masked… to enter the Dentist office where your girlfriend just so sweetly drove you to since, you know, Cardiac Arrest and all ! you have been “grounded”
from driving! lol which btw really… hummmm?… let me find a beautifully sophisticated word to describe what not being able to drive at all feels like… it SUCKS! lol
It is both super cool to look at like this with his super advanced 3D X Rays units… and also spookyyyyy as God knows I like to look at my SKIN (exterior) sooo much more than look at my BONES and SCREWS (interior) ! lol … but for all those of you who love medical things…. I thought I would share that tiny video that I did of his screen while he was showing it to me… such AMAZING technology! ❤
We are SOOOO LUCKY to live in those very advanced times…
And since so many my followers have emails me comments and questions about my “26 face screws” post 🙂 , for those of you who do love the “medical magic” as I like to think of it… here is another panorama X Ray of my little “personal Lowe’s / Home Depot ” 😉 screws and all! 😉 lol
…sharing here with you this super useful and filled with precious information, in case you or one of your loved ones either is CONSIDERING getting an ICD implanted like mine?… or you already have one?…
I decided to create this little design as part of a new Inspirational Series, simply to modestly remind ourselves, and each other, that pretty much EVERYONE who you meet, see, talk to… whether for an instant in the passing… or someone who you are closer to… ALL carry lots of “invisible” pain and suffering… emotional and physical… and most of it is… INVISIBLE to OUR EYES!
Yet that daily endless pain and suffering we are struggling with every day… is VERY present in our lives and our life’s journey… and simply making the CONCIOUS CHOICE to REMIND OURSELVES of such in our interactions with EVERYONE… will help us fill our hearts with always more compassion, empathy, and love… for those who we interact with… whether a random waitress or cashier in a store… or people much closer to our daily lives. And extending all that compassion to them will help each and everyone of US to be always MORE LOVING and KINDER to all ❤ … which is always the very best way that I know of to live my own heart for others ❤
And I decided here to simply use my own example (always easier to use my own struggles, in a fully honest and vulnerable spirit) and my own very many health struggles, as a perfect illustration of such, and to create this little photo composition…
For example if you happen to see the little video of little me running around silly at the Doctor’s office like yesterday 😉 or anything else goofy that I might do… or you see me very energetic on a Photo Shoot… you of course just can not imagine how much chronic pain and deep worries and fears are yet present in my every moments, and for so many years now… and it is of course totally “ok” and understandable ❤ that YOU simply would NOT know what I am actually dealing with/struggling with internally pain wise, as we simply do not walk around with all those “labels” (as I did on the collage) on our foreheads right!? lol It is just the nature of life that we do not expand about our deepest struggles all day long…
And whenever someone is upset or angry or down or sad or depressed in my daily interactions, I simply remind myself that they probably, just like me, just like everyone else (except for a few incredibly lucky ones) carry lots of pain in their days 🙁 … and doing so helps me so much being always kinders, more understanding of their possible reactions or mistakes etc… it is such a great gift to my heart to remind myself of such… and such a great gift to their heart as well from my having a chance to bring more love and compassion to them ❤
Please feel free to share this with anyone you wish… and please feel free to share some of your own struggles and/or any comments here under…
With lots of LOVE to YOU ❤
pascal
quick little update for YOU ❤ … with good news and not so good news…
The good news is that I was released from UNC (picked up by my AMAZING little sunshine Stephanie💓💓💓)… and I felt GREAT when that happened (as you will see in video)…
… the bad news being that a few minutes right before being released, one of my surgeon came into my room and delivered the quite depressing news that… I can NOT DRIVE for… not 6 days or 6 weeks… but for… 6 MONTHS! 🙁 which took a toll on my spirit as you know how much I loveeee to go to my beloved lake and share it all with you, and many other places of beauty… it hit pretty hard 🙁 but will do my best to transcend it somehow…
And the other bad news is that since back home I have feeling literally horrible… with my Blood Pressure dipping super low and feeling like my brain wants to either go sleep permanently 🙁 or explode or implode … either way it feels super bad and I feel decent for 2 hours then horrible for 6… and sleeping is even worse…
It might all be due to the major new med(SOTALOL) that they added to my already 6 daily meds.. or due to my brutal cardiac arrest of Friday?…we don’t know yet… and I am of course also every second and with every step fearing to… “die again” and collapse again wherever I am around my house…
Anyways… will share more later but wanted to share that quick update and thank you ALL SOOOOOOO MUCH from the bottom of my heart for your AMAZING LOVE and SUPPORT and MESSAGES and CARING ❤ it means the WORLD to me!!!
I love YOU ❤
pascal
…when they do TEST you for CORONA VIRUS (Covid-19) on you BARELY 1 HOUR after you just had a BRUTAL CARDIAC ARREST + your heart went crazy up to … 291 beats per minute! (yap! you read right!!! 291 as recorded by DEFIBRILLATOR implanted in my chest) + you FELL VIOLENTLY HEAD FIRST on the CONCRETE of your driveway and you have an apple size profusely bleeding hole in your head…
(I did that one… 4 times 😀over 2 years! Should I start to get a discount? 😉😊😋)
So for all those of you who love medical wonders… I thought that I would share with you today this great link /video here under which depicts wonderfully well the magic of that surgery…
ANGIOPLASTY surgery is is just a marvel of modern technology and medicine!
I am sooooo immensely GRATEFUL for it all! <3
This is the surgery that my AMAZING surgeon Dr. ROSSI had to do 4 times on me over these past 2 years (and inserted 4 stents inside me in the process
<3 )… it is all just so INCREDIBLY MAGIC!!!
With lots of love to YOU <3 and sincerely hoping of course that YOU will never need that surgery
<3 but if you ever do, I will be SO grateful for you as well as this is available to all of us… we are SO LUCKY to live in these modern times
<3
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e13TGGccvT4
ps: do I look just a little sleepy 😉 or what on that surgery table! lol
… now, on top of everything else, dealing, twice in the span of one same year, with extremely painful “frozen shoulder”… which requires deep injections which are quite very painful 🙁 Oh well! what is one more 8 inch needle inside my body right!? 😉
Well… UNC made the BIGGGG mistake to… let me play with a machine once again!!! 😉 🙂
…when your KIDNEY SURGEON sends you a very special present in the mail… a beautiful orange container… and he asks you to… COLLECT ALL YOUR PEE in it for 48 HOURS!!!!
… when you, of course, can’t resist goofing around while struggling with a major tooth infection 😰and getting a full panoramic XRays…
No matter how much pain, there is still always room for us to have fun❤🐣❤ and bring laughters and smiles to the people around us…
ps: as a cute additional note and anecdote to share with you… you will crack up knowing that, on that same day, I was creating a full team GROUP PORTRAIT for a team of… yap… DENTAL SURGEONS! lol Life is super funny and cute like that oftentimes 😉😍😀 (here under 2 of the Photos created on that day… )
my 7th surgery… and YES, as depicted in this photo, I am now a PROFESSIONAL… NAPPER! 😉
…a little sharing for those of you who, unfortunately and fortunately, just like me, have one of those little bugger 😉 implanted deep inside your chest… along with a few of those wires going inside your heart… such an AMAZINGGGGG miracle of technology isn’t it?…
💬 Super BRIEF ” FLASH Update “ 💬 😉🤒😍
Bonjour my Dearest Friends 💗
try to guess… where I am!? 😉 once again! 🙂
And guess what!? YES they made that hugeeee mistake once again to… let me play with the toys and entertain them! … all while getting ready for more XRays and MRI at UNC SPINE CENTER (due to new symptoms that I am dealing with).
UNC’s #1 RULE should always be ” DO NOT LET CHILDREN PLAY with the MEDICAL EQUIPMENT!!! ” just sayin’ 😉
With much MUCH love to YOU 💗
pascal
just another day in my little ” Let’s live on HALF A HEART! ” journey…
so, guess what!?… today is my 1 Year Anniversary from the day I died… for 4 very VERY long minutes !
what I must take every day… to stay around just a little longer 😉
rushing to UNC’s Emergency Room, ONCE AGAIN, in excruciating pain…
Well! let’s be very honest! my kidney stone surgery’s post op pain was… PURE HELL!
… a modest Thank You that I just posted about my AMAZING daughter and son…
update – pre surgery fun while running more tests the day before the surgery…
* update #25 * (Day 286! ) the “Hunt for the 5 sneaky kidney stones” continues !
update #22 – Day 241 post Heart Attack – trying to PLAY FISHY again… and swim laps again…
and now a few food for thoughts about… getting a VASECTOMY! 🤓😍 Why not right? lol
so here is for you, from my Facebook postings, a very random extra MEDICAL sharing that I did for my online followers on Facebook etc… and thought of including here in case information about VASECTOMIES could be helpful to you 😍
and here is now a … super random lol sharing with you and as you know that I have been sharing many “medical stuff” 😉, and as so many of you have told how much they enjoy it and talking about it freely as I love to do ❤ … so my today’s sharing is about… VASECTOMIES!!! lol – Yippppi yay to that subject !!!😉 or not ! lol
In my personal case in my relationship of that time, my companion had her IUD running out… and she had financial difficulties so I thought to myself ” you know what?… I am 100% sure I do not want to make any more babies… and I want to help you save that money… so why don’t I, for once, take on a “serious” commitment to contraception and do my share ❤ and… get a vasectomy!? ” 😎😍 to which she replied “Are you really sure?…” and to which I said ” Yap! my turn to participate in a major way … I will schedule it for next week! ” … and did just that ❤ And for the many men in my situation out there… PLEASE consider doing the same… Women, SO generously, and SO selflessly, do SO MANY THINGS in regards of dealing with contraception and periods and menopause and soooo many other unpleasant things… when we, as men, have a chance to do something… let’s just do it, as a simple and deep and sincere THANK YOU for all they do and sacrifice for us ❤
ps2: and last photo to share with you… this is what MIGHT happen to you if you… let your libido win over your mind and reason just as… I DID! lol
These are my “4 times a day best friends” for over a year of lotssss of pain! Yaks! Live and learn ! lol
ps3: and here is a link to my super duper Buddy in “UP” – him and I are one and the same… ADD wise of course 😉
update #20 – 3rd infection of my Defibrillator’s scar/opening !…
Update #17 – barely a few weeks after my massive heart attack, “destiny” had decided that it wanted to throw a little bit more additional challenges to little me🤔🙄 and… within a matter of a few hours… I suddenly lost 90% of the use of my right arm, not even being able to hold a cup of water or feed myself anymore with my right hand (in addition to horrible sharp pain coming with it all) and after an emergency Brain + Spine MRI that very same day at UNC, it was decided that I now needed SPINAL FUSION SURGERY (for which, due to my way too recent heart attack, happened to be, as I was explained very quickly, incredibly RISKY, with 1 in 50 or so change to die (again 😉 in my case!) on the surgery table…
Well, I got super duper lucky 💗😊 and made it!!!… and did not die on the table…
Youpi YAYYYY to that! 🙂 all thanks to my AMAZING Spine SURGEON Dr. LIM and thanks to all the AMAZING Cardio team that was present… just in case 😉 )
… and this is my little spine … PRE and POST emergency spinal fusion… interesting “hardware” 😉 right?
This little video that I thought of sharing here, was the very beginning of a long PT Rehab, all starting the very next day of the surgery, at UNC Hillsborough… all and filmed (soo I would remember my exercises… and this moment) by my amazing ex companion Leah 💗 … and in the hands of my so wonderful Physical Therapist !
The BEGINNING of wole new journey… after my life suddenly and brutally ended… on January 26th, at 1:04 am or so… all alone in my home (I called 911 as was feeling horribleeee 🙁 then unlocked my front door… then collapsed on my kitchen floor… died totally for 6mn. or so… then next time I saw “life” was at Duke’s Hospital ICU… and I looked “not so great” 😉 … like this……… the beginning of a longggg journey of suffering and pain and so many new limitations… but… my heart (the EMOTIONAL one <3 , as my “physical heart” got 40% of it killed during my massive heart attack!)