Pascal’s massive HEART ATTACK’s DEATH experience (for 6 very long minutes!) + 8 subsequent SURGERIES + dozens of PROCEDURES + recent brutal CARDIAC ARREST !

Bonjour my dearest Friends! ❤❤❤

Since very many of you have so kindly expressed a lot of interest in reading more about my crazy roller coaster of endless health “bad news “, struggles, and sheer bad luck😷🤒🤕 , undergoing by now 8 consecutive SURGERIES in A ROW over these past year or so, all starting with my MASSIVE HEART ATTACK during which I, very unfortunately, “died” for “only” 😉 6 very VERY longggg minutes 😳- so I decided to group all of the various posts that I had done on Facebook and related to my little struggling health journey, here under for you to access as needed…

I truly hope that my modest words and sharings will both bring support and love to YOUR OWN journey and struggles, whichever they might be… and that they will also fill up your heart with endless gratefulness and sunshine 💗 if you happen to be so lucky as to NOT have any major health issues…
And all along I very sincerely hope that my words and sharings will also bring SMILES and LAUGHS to your day and reading of my posts from my playing silly and goofy at every opportunity I had while being in the midst of this endless roller coaster (and whenever my level of pain was temporarily bearable enough to give me a chance to be little me again! 😊🤓😜)… and such whether it was right during my many surgeries… or after… or during one of my sooooo many procedures and tests… or during my too many trips to the Emergency Room!

With much MUCH love to YOU 💗 as well as to all the people who live in your heart 💗

pascal

ps. of course by all means feel free to comment as you wish on any of my posts… share your own experiences… and ask me any questions at all that you would like for me to answer and write about.
As you probably know by now, my entire life is, by choice, a very open and very transparent book, one with endless new surprises, turns and twists… 😊 all while choosing a level of total vulnerability, sharing my deepest fears and worries just as much as my happiest and silliest moments… why not right ?
Life and emotions are too beautiful to be secretive, shameful, or un-shared… I truly believe that we are all one and the same, and that we all also have both suffering and joys in our lives, and in our hearts… and sharing it all allows us to connect so much more and on such a deeper level, with always so much more love and intimacy, and what could ever be more beautiful right!?…💗👫👬👭

 

ps2: …and if you would like to sprinkle your day with a few words of Love, Caring, Support and Inspiration, feel free to check this new section that I created on one of my websites… I truly hope that my modest words will bring some love to your day, and to you heart 💗http://photographybypascal.com/galleries/pascals-inspirational-series/

… and if you would like to enjoy even more INSPIRATION, LOVE and SUPPORT into your own journey ❤ feel free to take a peek into my modest BOOK by clicking here .. It has brought love and support to many… and it will bring a big smile to my own heart… if it brings love and support to yours 💕  Life is all about LOVE and PEOPLE and being there for each other… everything else is SO unimportant…

So after more than 2 years in the making my little book is finally completed and released 😍 and it features 100 of my original, and most popular, Inspirational Quotes (as well as very many of my Fine Art Photographs, and some of my Poetry as well), all spread out over 133 pages.

I truly hope that my modest quotes will humbly help you to dry a few tears (as they occasionally and inevitably come to our days, and to our souls, from life’s endless challenges and struggles), while also bringing endless smiles and joys to your lips, and to your heart 💗 on your very many todays, and tomorrows…

With much much (not a typo 🙂 ) love to YOU 💗

pascal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…and here is now for you, in REVERSE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER (so if you would prefer to start reading from my OLDEST posts and the VERY BEGINNING of my HEALTH STRUGGLES MAJOR ROLLER COASTER, a few years ago, then please scroll down to the very BOTTOM of this page), a few of my posts (and copies of some of my Facebook posts) about a few of the milestones of this journey… including first a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK 😔😥 + 8 SURGERIES 😥and countless PROCEDURES 😔+ my very recent brutal CARDIAC ARREST on 6/26/2020 😔😥

 

 

…so funny … and NOT so funny! lol … when you suddenly, while searching on GOOGLE for something about one of your 8 surgeries… that… your own NECK (and scar from that surgery) shows up in that search! lol
Unlike most people, I actually SO wish that I was NOT … showing up in Google searches! lol
Always something to laugh about, and find fun into, anyways ! 🙂 just as in almost everything and anything happening in our lives❤

Well…after my little recent… “let’s call 911 to invite some friends over 😉 because I feel so horrible that it really feels like I am going to die again tonight! ” 😄 … I decided to go back to swimming laps today… water always feels soooo amazing to my hurting body and soul… always ❤
 
Maybe you too should come play fishy with me one day? ❤
 
With lotssss of love to you! ❤
pascal

a little hour after calling my unplanned “guests” 😉 on 911 on that Saturday evening…

well… an hour or so of after the EMS left when I had to call 911… I was still feeling super down and weak and dizzy but… being stuck on the couch and in my bathrobe… I was like “what can I do to entertain myself a little before going to bed… and maybe … entertain you too? 😉 ” so… a marker was nearby… and lotssss of sticker/sensors from the EKG the super sweet EMS did on me… so I thought of combining both 😉 ❤
(A: is the way the EMS layed out the sensor….
and B: is… the way I DID IT 😉 … to amuse myself <3 and you <3 )
 
As you already know, being in lots of pain and/or super down (or even in that case having major PTSD from the 1st time I died) won’t of course prevent it to “enjoy” what I can in those moments… being deeply and vividly aware that I will never ever get to live twice those few precious minutes ❤ aka… every single minute of every single day… ❤
 
Please do your best to always find the fun and joy in every minute and any and all circumstances… it makes our souls and hearts soooo much fuller with love and gratefulness ❤
 
Lotssss of love to YOU ❤
 
pascal

       

*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

My Saturday night’s unexpected “guests” aka EMS aka 911 call aka feeling horrible like I was feeling the first time I died…

 
…well well well…. after spending an amazingggg morning with my little sunshine Stephanie <3 enjoying a little walk in the woods (and non stop ad lib chit chat and laughters, as we always enjoy when together <3 … I soooo love chat with her <3) … I then started to feel bad in the afternoon… then more bad…. then more and more 😉 bad!… then literally felt ALL the very same symptoms as the afternoon of the night I had my 1st massive heart attack and died for 6 minutes… (could barely talk…. shivering… could barely walk 5 steps… head and mind super dizzy and fuzzy … etc etc… NOT good ! 🙁 ) .
 
So, after debating a lotttt about driving myself to the ER (but I was feeling SO weak and overall “off” that I could not even drine)… or taking a sleeping pill and go to bed (but if I had done that the first time… I would totally be gone today!) or… calling 911… so… I finally did the later.
 
EMS are just such AMAZING WONDERFUL SO CARING people and I am sooooo deeply grateful to them and the true kindness and empathy of their heart… instead of putting billionaires on the cover of magazines and “admiring” them somehow… EMS and NURSES and DOCTORS (not all! but the truly kind caring ones 🙂 ) on those covers… just sayin’ 😉
 
Anyways… soooo grateful that we live in a world where where they can bring a machine to your home to run an EKG and blood tests etc… on you… sooo amazing and magical…
I had a super super bad night 🙁 but… I woke up the next morning <3 so…. super grateful for it all <3
 
With lots of love to YOU <3 and if one day you feel SUPER BAD (I will talk more about what I mean by that and what symptoms to look for etc. in a brand new video I will release soon…) PLEASE NEVER HESITATE to reach out for help… as sometimes, THAT alone makes the difference with living another day… or not…
 
pascal
 
ps: those snapshots from indoors cameras are great memories for me to be soooo grateful that feeling SO BAD was only for a few hours and that night and evening…. and that the next day I felt again very decent <3 … and until the next episode 🙁 which of course will come since my health and life and days are such a huge roller coaster to accept and live with…
 
ps2: on the photo, when the strange WHITE POLAR BEAR 😉 (I felt soooo cold and weak on top of everything else) on the couch is sitting in bent foward position with arms crossed, it is a very well know fact (I learned it from NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC! 😉 ) that it means that the POLAR BEAR is NOT dangerous anymore… as he has ZERO energy to attack you… so this is the BEST time to steal a couple of fish from his fridge 😉 … or his wallet… 😉 he won’t able to fight back! 😉 lol
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

SEVERE SLEEPING APNEA and… NOT so “fairy tales”! lol

… yap… I guess I did not have “enough” new health struggles… but they now diagnosed me with… SEVERE CENTRAL SLEEP APNEA… and I am now supposed to sleep, every single night, with that super duper NOTTTTTTT fun nor likable machine that makes falling asleep close to impossible… at least for me who has always been a super light sleeper…
   That machine they say is my friend… but… I strongly disagree! lol and literally can’t stand it  😤but… as everything in our lives, it is what it is right? 😉 
   I wanted to AT LEAST have a LITTLE fun with it… and made that “unpacking” little video to entertain my many friends and followers 💗
many of you often ask me a question in the spirit of… “out of ALL the dozens of medical struggles and pain and limitations that you deal with daily… WHICH ONE is the WORST?… ” which is of course a great and totally understandable question…

*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

ADDENDUM to my TINNITUS POST (available below on this same page) …

…many of you often ask me a question in the spirit of… “out of ALL the dozens of medical struggles and pain and limitations that you deal with daily… WHICH ONE is the WORST?… ” which is of course a great and totally understandable question…
 
And my answer might surprise you… 🙂 <3
 
The #1 is of course all the current dizziness + “brain pain/fuzziness” (don’t have any better way to describe it 🙁 even to all my Doctors 🙁 ) + feeling weak and lightheaded both super randomly and maybe 60 to 80% of the time… which of course takes a huge toll on my life and all the things that I have to ACCEPT (critical “mental concept” here 🙂 <3 that I just can NOT do or plan anymore 🙁 THAT all takes a huge toll on my life, days and spirit…
 
And the #2, which might also surprise you, is my… SUPER STRONG and HIGH TINNITUS and… as it is now “with me / aka “inside my head and every awaken moment” 100% of the time !(it used to be on and off… some hours on and some off… and now for the past 3 years it is… 100% of the time! )
 
So those 2 are by far the worse and the most struggling to “accept” and deal with… without going crazy (sometimes the tinnitus is SOOO HIGH that I truly believe that I am going to need to have my entire head “unscrewed”/cut off to at least have a few minutes of break from it all… and sadly, this is not really an option 😉
 
What about YOU? if YOU also, sadly, deal with constant sources of pain or struggles… please feel free to share with me and with all of us … either here on this post or in a DM… and as sharing our pain does often helps a little… or a lot…
 
With lotsssss of love to YOU <3
 
pascal
 
ps: and for the TINNITUS btw, there is 100% ZERO CURE or NOTHING that helps and it seems pretty obvious that it was self created… from listening to music (which I loveddd) too many years on my earbuds and while Day Trading… and I lovedddd every minute of it all… but the price to pay now is wayyyy too high… which is why I truly IMPLORE YOU <3 … solely out of love for YOU from a pure human being standpoint… that if YOU still DO today listen to music or voice or sounds in earbuds…. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE either take lots of breaks from it… or find other ways… or at least REDUCE a LOT the volume as I promise to you that once the monster TINNITUS has invaded your brain at a HIGH LEVEL (I used to have it as like a 4 or 5/10 for 10 years and it was totally bearable… but the 8 or 9 levels of today is often literally UNBEARABLE 🙁 and sooooo painful 🙁 ) … so once that “monster” IS part of what your brain “creates/hears”… it is too late… and it is very VERY HARD to bare… MUCH HARDER than my 8 surgeries if you want some kind of perspective on it and to maybe motivate you? PLEASE DO IT <3
 
https://youtu.be/LuTzPT1cg0w 

*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

This post for my friends and followers was about… Having a really bad day health & very painful symptoms wise 😰 + my Heart going crazy high to 291 heartbeats per minute when I died (again! lol ) by sudden CARIDAC ARREST this time + lovingly reminding YOU to be grateful for each and everyone of the MAGICAL HEARTBEATS of your own heart!!! 😍❤

…today being unfortunately yet another quite “super bad day” (as I like to describe them kind of from the “outside”) with horrible brain/head symptoms of pain and pressure and dizziness and tons of other pretty horrible feelings, all keeping me in bed most of the day (not Covid of course, I almost wish was just that but just my very frequent many symptoms and struggles to deal with, not knowing where it is all coming from? 🙁 ) but … anyways… being unable to get out at all today I worked some more on the film that I have been preparing (with my dearest friend Nathan ❤ ) for the past 2 years and … I just got finally the technical confirmation from UNC’s records that… my little heart actually went up all the way to…. 291 bpm !!! … on the afternoon where I died the 2nd time from the brutal cardiac arrest!!
Holy molly that is NOT a “good” 😉 lol number for your heart ! ouchi! 😉 … and I truly hope that YOUR cute healthy little heart is doing a great job for you tonight in the 80 bpm normal range ❤
Maybe take an instant tonight to fill your emotional heart ❤ with endless gratefulness for the little miracle that … 80 times a minute… with beautiful elegance and efficiency…. YOUR beautiful heart allows you to enjoy yet another minute of beautiful LIFE ❤

With lotsssss of love to YOU ❤ and to your beautiful heart ❤

 

pascal

ps: and for those of you who like “technical medical stuff” 😉 it confirms that the ICD/DEFIBRILLATOR implanted in my chest and heart, DID give me an electrical shock of 41 JOULES to… bring me back to life ❤ and allow me to write to you tonight ❤ 🙂

 

*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

Muscles EEG tests – Electromyography EMG – Neurology – Muscles and nerve tests – UNC Hospital – VLog

…these last few weeks have been filled with many (too many 🙁 ) medical tests and procedures to try to figure out why I feel so weak, so dizzy and so tired and my legs “off” most of the time and so randomly… 🙁

And, as you already know 😉 <3 , no matter how bad or down I might feel, I will still make the very best out of it and try to find fun, joys and wonderment in everything and anything… including … ELECTRICAL SHOCKS and NEEDLES being inserted in your legs and arms! lol …so… for those of you who might ever need to do that test one day?… or who just want to laugh, as I certainly did! 🙂 , at seeing my arms and arm jump off from electrical shocks!!!… please enjoy <3 🙂
 
With lots of love to YOU! <3
 
pascal
 

*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

…several of you who follow my little roller coaster medical journey and the dozens of symptoms and sources of pain/struggles that I deal with daily, have sweetly asked me what the “FLOATERS” in my eyes look like?… and what my TINNITUS “sounds” like?… well… I am more than happy to share of course… just like I share any and all health struggles paving my days… so what you “see” constantly when having floaters (I have about 20 in each eye… constantly…) is EXACTYLY this…

This photo is a GREAT representation of what those little pest/flies/suckers 🙁 look like… NOT cool! lol 🙁 and they are much more visible on BRIGHT BACKGROUNDS… like the skies… and they gently “move around” and “float” since they are in a thin liquid… …now for my TINNITUS it sounds EXACTLY like this… and it does so ALL THE TIME… 24/7… sometimes the level of it gets so high that you truly feel like your brain is going to implode/explode.. or you want to hit your head on walls to make it stop 🙁 NOT fun at all !!! 🙁 that’s when it reaches occasionally an 8 or 9/10. Otherwise it is constantly at around 4 or 5/10 level… which is louder than TV or street noise or pretty much anything…

Now about my TINNITUS … it has been with me for almost 10 years now… and it took many years to get used to it somehow (since there is not a single way to “turn it off”… even for an instant!) … and it has definitely very painfully INCREASED for the past few years (not sure why? it increased a lot after my 1st Covid shot but could have been random? will never know… knowing would not make any difference anyways… so ACCEPTANCE is the only variable for me to focus on 🙂 just like with all my other endless health struggles… ). If I can modestly offer any advice?… please do NOT listen to music for hours at a time on headsets or earbuds as the odds are very high that this is how I created that “monster in my head”… and the monster is here to stay 🙁 until I die (I meant … “die again” in my case! lol since I already died twice and came back twice… first in a massive heart attack… then 2 years later in a brutal cardiac arrest…) .

With lots of love to YOU 🙂 and I truly hope that you do NOT have any of those disorders…

pascal

*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

The INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL MAGIC of your beautiful heart❤ …and mine ❤… and our SOOOOO MAGICAL “HEARBEATS” <3 pure LOVE & BEAUTY!!!!

… this is a little sharing about my visit today at UNC… How INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL is this!???… TRULY!!!…

We are simply just NEVER GRATEFUL enough for our beautiful HEARTS, which are gifting us the ultimate luxury and gift of “LIFE”… with every single new heartbeat!!! 🙂 I know that personally, I was DEFINITELY NOT even close to grateful enough for my heart, and every single heartbeat of LIFE and LOVE that it had gifted me for years and decades… all before I died of a massive HEART ATTACK a couple of years ago (but was so lucky as to be brought back to life by the EMS after being dead for 6 long minutes)… and then died AGAIN! a 2nd time, of a brutal SUDDEN CARDIAC ARREST (SCA), and being brought back to life this time by the DEFIBRILLATOR (ICD) implanted in my chest, with wires going deep inside my heart (looking like a cute little snake or worm as you can see in the video)… and this time the ICD, and technology’s magic, is what brought me back to life (my heart rate had jumped up to…. 297! – aka… NOT GOOD AT ALL! lol ).

So why not for for EACH and EVERYONE of US ❤ to decide to have AT LEAST ONCE A DAY, a brief moment where we indeed CHOOSE to be AWARE of, and immensely GRATEFUL for, that most AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL organ of all… called… YOUR HEART! ❤

And YOUR HEART, and MINE… DO FUNCTION 24/7… 60 x 80 times an hour… 115,200 TIMES a DAY!!!!! every single day of YOUR LIFE, and MINE… it does not function “sometimes” … it functions ALL THE TIME… and when it does not, things don’t go “too well” (as it happened twice already for me) or… they don’t go ANYMORE… AT ALL… and your life is totally over… And all that INCREDIBLE MAGIC and literally MIRACLE… I thought of sharing this little video with you again 🙂 … for I deeply believe that the more we CHOOSE to FILL our minds, eyes, hearts, soul and spirit with GRATEFULNESS and things to be deeply GRATEFUL for… the more beautiful 🙂 this moment will be… and the more meaningful 🙂 our lives, as a whole, will be…

With lots of love to YOU! ❤ and to YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART! ❤

pascal ps: I made a little video of this screen as I was at UNC, discussing with one of my amazingggg heart surgeons, a new procedure that we needed to schedule…

ps2: please forgive the “nasal” voice and poor sound but… both my Dr. and I are wearing COVID 19 masks (thanks but NO THANKS “COVID”! 🙄 )

 

*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…

Well well well… when you rush to your urologist office early morning after a totally sleepless night in horrible pain from the 7 kidney stones you still have in both kidneys… and… you are both cracked up… AND … saddened…. by a new sign on the door of your urologist ‘s peepee room 😉 … and, despite the horrible pain you are in (9/10 last night n today! 😔) you are sooo immensely GRATEFUL ❤ that… even though I have literally dozens of medical issues… THAT ONE on that sign…I do NOT have and yayyyyy to that! 😆🤣

No “curved erections” in this household! Non Monsieur!!! 😆
 
Let’s always lovingly remind ourselves, to celebrate ALL the sources of pain and various diseases that we are so lucky as to NOT have!!! ❤they are truly worth celebrating and filling our soul with gratefulness about…
 
With lots of love to YOU! ❤
 
pascal

 

 

… right in the midst of my brutal CARDIAC ARREST and rushed to Hospital and Emergency Room … I was suddenly gifted a great OPPORTUNITY ❤ to expand and advance always more the CHOSEN ENDLESS COMPASSION of my heart, and of my soul… you can click here to read this post…

 

UNC Hospital and my recent brutal CARDIAC ARREST, and… the story of Joe … my roommate and ” My Friend behind the Curtain!… “

 

…and now, why not right?, having to deal with a little “dental” fun due to being in lots of pain 😢 which is how I just ended up today, once again, in the Dental Surgeon’s office…
… when you are getting ready for possible root canal with an AMAZINGGG team (I SO HIGHLY recommend Dr. Horalek and his whole team if you ever need a root canal or assessment… he is truly such a caring, wonderful, and so very kind man and human being, and his dentistry expert skills are nothing short of amazing!!! ❤
https://www.northraleighendo.com/
 
And… I know! I know!… you are probably thinking like I do… ROOT CANAL? TOOH PAIN / INFECTION?… hummmm!!?… doesn’t Pascal has enough medical crap #%^@$%$ to deal with already? 😉 well… I guess not! and “destiny” has clearly decided to give me always more 😉 Oh well! It beats the alternative right ? (aka… dying again! 😉 )
 

well… when you are … double gloved… and double masked… to enter the Dentist office where your girlfriend just so sweetly drove you to since, you know, Cardiac Arrest and all !  you have been “grounded”  from driving! lol which btw really… hummmm?… let me find a beautifully sophisticated word to describe what not being able to drive at all feels like… it SUCKS! lol

and when your wonderful amazing Dentist makes a 3D VIDEO RENDERING of your entire mouth/jaws and start to make “Ohhhh!” and “Ahhhh!” sounds as he discovers how you have… 26 SCREWS (including two of them inside my chin, being like 1 inch long! lol ) and TITANIUM little PLATES all over your jaw from a previous surgery when I was younger where a surgeon decided to “play LEGO”  with me and break and slice up and cut both of my jaws bones etc… all around…

 

It is both super cool to look at like this with his super advanced 3D X Rays units… and also spookyyyyy as God knows I like to look at my SKIN (exterior) sooo much more than look at my BONES and SCREWS (interior) ! lol … but for all those of you who love medical things…. I thought I would share that tiny video that I did of his screen while he was showing it to me… such AMAZING technology! ❤

We are SOOOO LUCKY to live in those very advanced times…

And since so many my followers have emails me comments and questions about my “26 face screws” post 🙂 , for those of you who do love the “medical magic” as I like to think of it… here is another panorama X Ray of my little “personal Lowe’s / Home Depot ” 😉 screws and all! 😉 lol

Lots of love to YOU ❤ … and hoping that you are much less…. “screwed up”  than I am!!! (that should not be hard right!?  lol
 
pascal
… just a few minutes after my 8th surgery (over the past 2 years and since my massive heart attack) … being wheeled back in to my Hospital room with a pretty … banged up 😉😋🤕wrist from the surgery as they get to the inside of my heart and arteries through… my WRIST!  soooo AMAZINGGG!!!! ❤❤❤ and such AMAZING KIND CARING people all over UNC ! soooo grateful for them all <3 

When your veins have been pricked soooo many times already that one of your nurse has to play a little in and out… in and out! lol  😉

…sharing here with you this super useful and filled with precious information, in case you or one of your loved ones either is CONSIDERING getting an ICD implanted like mine?… or you already have one?…

With much much love to YOU! ❤
…arriving in ambulance at UNC Emergency Room an hour after my brutal and sudden CARDIAC ARREST (with my little heart deciding to “go for a ride” and jump up to 291 beats per minute!!! right before… brutally stopping! 🙁  and all being brought back to life by my magical and amazing implanted ICD ❤ )
   
And here to share with you a little memory with my amazing and super caring and sweet EMS Emily ❤

ALL of the EMS of our world are the most AMAZING people EVER!!!❤ and they have my deepest FOREVER GRATITUDE!!!

* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
Bonjour my dear Friends ❤

I decided to create this little design as part of a new Inspirational Series, simply to modestly remind ourselves, and each other, that pretty much EVERYONE who you meet, see, talk to… whether for an instant in the passing… or someone who you are closer to… ALL carry lots of “invisible” pain and suffering… emotional and physical… and most of it is… INVISIBLE to OUR EYES!

Yet that daily endless pain and suffering we are struggling with every day… is VERY present in our lives and our life’s journey… and simply making the CONCIOUS CHOICE to REMIND OURSELVES of such in our interactions with EVERYONE… will help us fill our hearts with always more compassion, empathy, and love… for those who we interact with… whether a random waitress or cashier in a store… or people much closer to our daily lives. And extending all that compassion to them will help each and everyone of US to be always MORE LOVING and KINDER to all ❤ … which is always the very best way that I know of to live my own heart for others ❤

And I decided here to simply use my own example (always easier to use my own struggles, in a fully honest and vulnerable spirit) and my own very many health struggles, as a perfect illustration of such, and to create this little photo composition…

For example if you happen to see the little video of little me running around silly at the Doctor’s office like yesterday 😉 or anything else goofy that I might do… or you see me very energetic on a Photo Shoot… you of course just can not imagine how much chronic pain and deep worries and fears are yet present in my every moments, and for so many years now… and it is of course totally “ok” and understandable  ❤ that YOU simply would NOT know what I am actually dealing with/struggling with internally pain wise, as we simply do not walk around with all those “labels” (as I did on the collage) on our foreheads right!? lol It is just the nature of life that we do not expand about our deepest struggles all day long…

And whenever someone is upset or angry or down or sad or depressed in my daily interactions, I simply remind myself that they probably, just like me, just like everyone else (except for a few incredibly lucky ones) carry lots of pain in their days 🙁 … and doing so helps me so much being always kinders, more understanding of their possible reactions or mistakes etc… it is such a great gift to my heart to remind myself of such… and such a great gift to their heart as well from my having a chance to bring more love and compassion to them ❤

Please feel free to share this with anyone you wish… and please feel free to share some of your own struggles and/or any comments here under…

With lots of LOVE to YOU ❤

pascal

 

LEAVING UNC Hospital 3 days after my SUDDEN and BRUTAL CARDIAC ARREST !…

quick little update for YOU  ❤ … with good news and not so good news…

The good news is that I was released from UNC (picked up by my AMAZING little sunshine Stephanie💓💓💓)… and I felt GREAT when that happened (as you will see in video)…

… the bad news being that a few minutes right before being released, one of my surgeon came into my room and delivered the quite depressing news that… I can NOT DRIVE for… not 6 days or 6 weeks… but for… 6 MONTHS! 🙁 which took a toll on my spirit as you know how much I loveeee to go to my beloved lake and share it all with you, and many other places of beauty… it hit pretty hard 🙁 but will do my best to transcend it somehow…

And the other bad news is that since back home I have feeling literally horrible… with my Blood Pressure dipping super low and feeling like my brain wants to either go sleep permanently 🙁 or explode or implode … either way it feels super bad and I feel decent for 2 hours then horrible for 6… and sleeping is even worse…
It might all be due to the major new med(SOTALOL) that they added to my already 6 daily meds.. or due to my brutal cardiac arrest of Friday?…we don’t know yet… and I am of course also every second and with every step fearing to… “die again” and collapse again wherever I am around my house…

Anyways… will share more later but wanted to share that quick update and thank you ALL SOOOOOOO MUCH from the bottom of my heart for your AMAZING LOVE and SUPPORT and MESSAGES and CARING  ❤ it means the WORLD to me!!!

I love YOU  ❤

pascal

* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
so… guess what?…

…when they do TEST you for CORONA VIRUS (Covid-19) on you BARELY 1 HOUR after you just had a BRUTAL CARDIAC ARREST + your heart went crazy up to … 291 beats per minute! (yap! you read right!!! 291 as recorded by DEFIBRILLATOR implanted in my chest) + you FELL VIOLENTLY HEAD FIRST on the CONCRETE of your driveway and you have an apple size profusely bleeding hole in your head…

So … when you have JUST BEEN through all this barely an hour ago… and they want to test you for COVID 19 (which of course I fully understand and support) in the Emergency Room, you are just not in the best of shape and spirit to deal with, or withstand… yet more pain deep up your sinuses !!! lol
God knows from my 8 SURGERIES and DOZENS of VERY PAINFUL procedures I am soooo used to withstanding PAIN, and lots of it and very frequent, but… in tthat particular “just fresh from dying (again) condition 😉 … this test with ” TWIST the SWAB every 3 SECONDS !!! ” approach (maybe a UNC secret technic?😉 for patients like me who… die frequently? 😉 ) was NOT that fun!!! lol     Holy molly rolly polly!!!! lol

But it is all of course super funny in retrospect to look at how unhappy I was with it! lol I truly hope it will make you laugh some as well!  ❤
And I figured out for all those of you who wonder what it “looks like” or “feels like” to test for CORONA (of course I was negative after being self quarantined for 3+ months!) … that way you would know 🙂
It is definitely of course VERY bearable and definitely 100 times less painful that sooooo many other medical procedures that I have been through (and also this Corona test is for such a SHORT time ( unlike for example when my ICD scar got infected and they had to cut it open without any anesthesia etc… 3 times!) … but it is “fun” to do this test? … well… HELL NO! lol but again, super bearable compared to so many other things… so, very grateful for that ❤
With much much love to YOU ❤
pascal

 

 

 

ANGIOPLASTY SURGERY…

(I did that one… 4 times 😀over 2 years!  Should I start to get a discount? 😉😊😋)

So for all those of you who love medical wonders… I thought that I would share with you today this great link /video here under which depicts wonderfully well the magic of that surgery…

ANGIOPLASTY surgery is is just a marvel of modern technology and medicine!

I am sooooo immensely GRATEFUL for it all! 

This is the surgery that my AMAZING surgeon Dr. ROSSI  had to do 4 times on me over these past 2 years (and inserted 4 stents inside me in the process  )… it is all just so INCREDIBLY MAGIC!!!

With lots of love to YOU  and sincerely hoping of course that YOU will never need that surgery  but if you ever do, I will be SO grateful for you as well as this is available to all of us… we are SO LUCKY to live in these modern times 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e13TGGccvT4

ps: do I look just a little sleepy  or what on that surgery table! lol

 

 

… now, on top of everything else, dealing, twice in the span of one same year, with extremely painful “frozen shoulder”… which requires deep injections which are quite very painful 🙁 Oh well! what is one more 8 inch needle inside my body right!? 😉

 

* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *

 

… when you are being a “good patient” 😊🤓😉 and… “practicing positions” 😉 while waiting for your… urologists to come in… Yoga positions… “DRE” positions… all one and the same 😉 lol kind of 😉
… and when one of your Doctors (I now probably have close to 20 of them caring for me in various specialties and for various body parts hurting or malfunctioning… all of them trying to keep me around just a little longer 😉 which I am deeply GRATEFUL to them 💗 for of course! ) makes the BIGGGG MISTAKE to leave you alone with a brand new toy 🙂 … and you have NO CLUE about WHERE this one… is going to be inserted next inside your body?😉 lol

* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *

Well… UNC made the BIGGGG mistake to… let me play with a machine once again!!! 😉 🙂

… and what better things to do on a beautiful friday afternoon than… go through again and again, some more kidney exams since I have been dealing with, once again, really horrible kidney pain for the past few days 🙁 – my right kidney STILL has 6 stones, including one close to 8mm which means that I can never “pass it” and will mean soon yet another surgery…
It will be surgery #8 and that one is truly horribly painful 🙁 I would redo any of the other 6 surgeries without any hesitation if necessary but… this one was by far the very worst! and I very much fear having to do it again…) … but anyways… life’s randomness of health “bad luck” can be quite infinite isn’t it!?… as I am starting to become a poster boy for! lol
 
And since I am in the hospital, what else can I do while chatting with a super wonderful and charming tech… than making photo/video material 😉 ❤ … all the constant pain in my body is never enough of a reason to stop living, smiling and creating isn’t it? 😉 both joys and pain can totally cohabit in one’s day… in one’s moment… and I certainly I never EVER ❤ want to miss a single drop of all the joys and smiles and connection with others… ❤
Life is all about people, love, connections and smiles… ❤ and I truly hope that yours is the very same ❤
 
And if you live here in NC, I hope that you are enjoying this AMAZINGGGG weather out there gifted to us ❤
 
With much MUCH love to YOU ❤
 
pascal

 

* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *

…when your KIDNEY SURGEON sends you a very special present in the mail… a beautiful orange container… and he asks you to… COLLECT ALL YOUR PEE in it for 48 HOURS!!!!

Hummmm… why not right?… super practical to carry this with you everywhere! lol … and will be quite even more funny if you see me around for the coming 48 hours… carrying that beautifullll very fashionable (NOT! lol ) container! lol
 
Surgeons are such funny tricksters aren’t they!? 😉
 
lots of loveeee to you ❤
 
pascal

* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *

 

… when you, of course, can’t resist goofing around while struggling with a major tooth infection 😰and getting a full panoramic XRays…

No matter how much pain, there is still always room for us to have fun❤🐣❤ and bring laughters and smiles to the people around us…

ps: as a cute additional note and anecdote to share with you… you will crack up knowing that, on that same day, I was creating a full team GROUP PORTRAIT for a team of… yap… DENTAL SURGEONS! lol  Life is super funny and cute like that oftentimes 😉😍😀   (here under 2 of the Photos created on that day… ) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

my 7th surgery… and YES, as depicted in this photo, I am now a PROFESSIONAL… NAPPER! 😉

* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *


MEDICATIONS / DRUGS interactions if you are taking many meds to “stay around” 😉 as I do…

Bonjour my dear Friends 💗
here is a very interesting link for those of you who, just like little me, take way too many meds to “stay around” 😉 💗 just a little longer…
(thank you so much Ginny Hall 🙂 for bringing it to my attention! )
 
These days I am personally between… hummm… roughly 7 and 10 different medications each day! 🤕😓 (I really think that I SO should get a “Med Heavy User” sticker or chocolate or some kind of prize isn’t it!? 😉  ) … between all my heart meds and many other health issues, and depending on how much pain I do experience on any given day from various body parts and issues… and needless to say, all of these meds DO mess a LOT with my whole system, both in their own side effects as well as in regards to their bad interactions!… Pretty much every single day these days I get extremely tired, experience an hourly roller coasted of feeling very “off” and dizzy very easily, exhausted, painful migraines, experiencing major cramps and endless other side and interaction effects… so if YOU on the other hand, maybe are SO incredibly lucky as to take NO daily meds… or only need 2 or 3 to manage your life… PLEASE 💗 be super GRATEFUL 💗3 for it all and go give a big kiss to your mirror every morning <3 a kiss of gratefulness, awareness of how lucky you are, gratefulness to have a chance to live this beautiful day to come, functional and able… a HUGE privilege that so many around you don’t have anymore, or never had in the first place…
 
And even if destiny has now so decided for my life to be quite very struggling to say the least… knowing that YOUR LIFE and YOUR BODY are doing GREAT or GOOD, and very ABLE and very FUNCTIONAL will truly bring a big smile to my heart 💗💗💗
 
Please feel free to share here under either how much YOU also might be struggling with having to take too many meds… or how super grateful you are that you do not… it is all about love and sharing with each other 💗 … and being there for each other 💗 always… and always more 💗 🙂
 
With much MUCH love to YOU 💗
 
pascal
 

I just, once again, spent the night at UNC’s Emergency Room… and I thought that I would share with you my personal tip on… how to sneak out of the ER to go get… yummy Soppressata to make your night better!!! <3

 

little health update about a brand new health issue (why not right!?… since it seems that I now have a VIP subscription to “health struggles”… apparently so! 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

…a little sharing for those of you who, unfortunately and fortunately, just like me, have one of those little bugger 😉 implanted deep inside your chest… along with a few of those wires going inside your heart… such an AMAZINGGGGG miracle of technology isn’t it?…

Without the whole defibrillation technology I simply would not… well… be writing these words to you!!! <3
Some people are just SOOO BRILLIANT at creating amazing wonders that keep us alive <3 and I want to extend my deepest gratitude to all of them <3 <3 <3
 
ps: to the right is my arm a couple of days after the surgery to implant the ICD deep into my chest – and 2 wires going into my heart – I got “just a little” 😉 bruised ! lol

 

If you are, just like me, experiencing DAILY deep physical and emotional PAIN and STRUGGLES which are “invisible” to the eye…

💬 Super BRIEF ” FLASH Update “ 💬 😉🤒😍
Bonjour my Dearest Friends 💗
try to guess… where I am!? 😉 once again! 🙂
And guess what!? YES they made that hugeeee mistake once again to… let me play with the toys and entertain them! … all while getting ready for more XRays and MRI at UNC SPINE CENTER (due to new symptoms that I am dealing with).
UNC’s #1 RULE should always be ” DO NOT LET CHILDREN PLAY with the MEDICAL EQUIPMENT!!! ” just sayin’ 😉
With much MUCH love to YOU 💗
pascal

just another day in my little ” Let’s live on HALF A HEART! ” journey…

 

there are only 2 places where you just do NOT enjoy being recognized! lol … one is Prison… and the other is… the Emergency Room! lol – and unfortunately I now seem to get recognized at the latter! 😉 lol

 

so, guess what!?… today is my 1 Year Anniversary from the day I died… for 4 very VERY long minutes !

 

what I must take every day… to stay around just a little longer 😉

 

rushing to UNC’s Emergency Room, ONCE AGAIN, in excruciating pain…

 

Well! let’s be very honest! my kidney stone surgery’s post op pain was… PURE HELL!

 

… a modest Thank You that I just posted about my AMAZING daughter and son…

 

update – pre surgery fun while running more tests the day before the surgery…

udate 30 – 11 16 2018 UNC pre op pre surgery visit

 

update 28 – my next surgery (6th in a row) is now set at UNC for this Thursday… to grab one of my 8 kidney stones…

 

update 27-pre surgery check up at the Hospital

 

update #26-(Day 297) SURGERY scheduled😳+ the “Hunt” has been upgraded to “Hunt for the now 8 kidney stones!” 🤔🤓

 

* update #25 * (Day 286! ) the “Hunt for the 5 sneaky kidney stones” continues ! 

 

* update #24  * – Day 277 – quick little update on the 5 KIDNEY STONES who have decided that my kidneys and ureters are, apparently, super comfy and welcoming! lol  

 

update #23  – Day 256 – brand new little health struggle for little me… not just 1 or 2, but… 5 KIDNEY STONES! who decided that my kidneys were very loving and welcoming…

 

update #22  – Day 241 post Heart Attack – trying to PLAY FISHY again… and swim laps again…

 

 

and now a few food for thoughts about…  getting a VASECTOMY! 🤓😍 Why not right? lol

so here is for you, from my Facebook postings, a very random extra MEDICAL sharing that I did for my online followers on Facebook etc… and thought of including here in case information about VASECTOMIES could be helpful to you 😍

and here is now a … super random lol sharing with you and as you know that I have been sharing many “medical stuff” 😉, and as so many of you have told how much they enjoy it and talking about it freely as I love to do ❤ … so my today’s sharing is about… VASECTOMIES!!! lol – Yippppi yay to that subject !!!😉 or not ! lol

Anyways… for those of you considering doing it (if, like me, you happen to have 2 little “chestnuts” 😉 in your mid section😉 and… you ALSO happen to be 100% sure that you do not want to have more babies… or any… OR … for those of you from the “more evolved gender” (what!? did I just write that? of course I did, for I have no doubt that it is soooo true… and it is so beautiful that it is true ❤ – sorry guys, time for you to embrace GRATITUDE for the beautiful more advanced evolving of the female gender… instead of either thinking otherwise😉 – or thinking “competition” … both not being such good ways to live your heart 🙁 Gratitude and admiration, on the other hand, are 2 GREAT AMAZING ways to live your heart ❤
 
OK… enough tangents here 😉 ( just like the Dog in “UP” that so many of my friends describe me as… you know when the doggie is SUPER distractable and goes “SQUIRREL!” lol .. that’s pretty much me 🙂 )
 
So… back to the V subject as in … vasectomyyyyyyy 😉 … so here are just a few thoughts to share with you if you are considering for yourself, or for your “partner in love” (doesn’t that sound soooo much better than “partner in crime”? right?😉 ) to get a Vasectomy… the end results are of course AMAZINGGGG… no risk of making unexpected babies… tons of saving on condoms and other contraceptions for the Lady ❤ and … no more “never so good” contraception drugs and devices in the beautiful body of the Woman who you love… and love to make love to, and with ❤
 

In my personal case in my relationship of that time, my companion had her IUD running out… and she had financial difficulties so I thought to myself ” you know what?… I am 100% sure I do not want to make any more babies… and I want to help you save that money… so why don’t I, for once, take on a “serious” commitment to contraception and do my share ❤ and… get a vasectomy!? ” 😎😍 to which she replied “Are you really sure?…” and to which I said ” Yap! my turn to participate in a major way … I will schedule it for next week! ” … and did just that ❤ And for the many men in my situation out there… PLEASE consider doing the same… Women, SO generously, and SO selflessly, do SO MANY THINGS in regards of dealing with contraception and periods and menopause and soooo many other unpleasant things… when we, as men, have a chance to do something… let’s just do it, as a simple and deep and sincere THANK YOU for all they do and sacrifice for us  ❤

When I see men lacking deep gratefulness for all that Women do and endure, I sometimes wish… “OK … little magic wand… and let’s give MEN… super painful mohtly pain for the coming 12 months… just one tiny year… and let’s see if they develop a whole new REVERENCE and APPRECIATION and ADMIRATION for all the Women in their life and days?…
Who want to hand me … a magic wand? 😉 I promise I WILL use it ! 😉
 
OK back to Vasectomy food for thoughts 😉 … now the MAIN advice that I want to share… and that I did NOT follow personally (and which costed me a lot of very unnecessary pain 🙁 for over a year ) is do NOT make love aka. use your little friend for ANYTHING 😉 for at least 2 full weeks!!! just don’t!… the Doctors tell you to wait a week… I waited… well… 24 hrs! lol 100% to blame on myself of course… no one else… not even the gorgeous latina who I was with back then… 100% my fault! but … lesson learned… if I ever do it again-in another life 😉 – I WILL wait 2 weeks as everything should go super easy if you do ❤ and … not easy at all if you don’t and as I learned the hard way (Trader Joe’s bags of frozen peas became my best friend for a year! lol )
 
If you have ANY questions about it at all that I can modestly help you with.. PLEASE do not hesitate to ask me here or PM… sharing about everything in a very open way, and being there for each other is always a gift to both hearts ❤
 
With much much love to YOU ❤
 
pascal
 
ps: a couple of snapshots of what happens when you do it… and as many people might not know what they actually cut (in my case they CUT the 2 vas + cautherized them + clamped them – tripple efficiency! yayyyyy! ❤ lol – a little bit of smoke came out my crotch when they did but … Oh well… that’s what smoke alarms in surgeries rooms are for isn’t it!? 😉 )

 

ps2: and last photo to share with you… this is what MIGHT happen to you if you… let your libido win over your mind and reason just as… I DID! lol
These are my “4 times a day best friends” for over a year of lotssss of pain!  Yaks! Live and learn ! lol

ps3: and here is a link to my super duper Buddy in “UP” – him and I are one and the same… ADD wise of course 😉

update #21 – driving to the ER at 3am as I can’t breathe + back to the Hospital a week later for more extensive tests…

update #20 – 3rd infection of my Defibrillator’s scar/opening !…

update #19 – New infection of Defibrillator’s site…

 

update 18 – My massive HEART ATTACK + 5 surgeries in a row…

Update #17 – barely a few weeks after my massive heart attack, “destiny” had decided that it wanted to throw a little bit more additional challenges to little me🤔🙄 and… within a matter of a few hours… I suddenly lost 90% of the use of my right arm, not even being able to hold a cup of water or feed myself anymore with my right hand (in addition to horrible sharp pain coming with it all) and after an emergency Brain + Spine MRI that very same day at UNC, it was decided that I now needed SPINAL FUSION SURGERY (for which, due to my way too recent heart attack, happened to be, as I was explained very quickly, incredibly RISKY, with 1 in 50 or so change to die (again 😉 in my case!) on the surgery table…
Well, I got super duper lucky 💗😊   and made it!!!… and did not die on the table…

 

Youpi YAYYYY to that! 🙂 all thanks to my AMAZING Spine SURGEON Dr. LIM and thanks to all the AMAZING Cardio team that was present… just in case 😉 )

 

 

… and this is my little spine … PRE and POST emergency spinal fusion… interesting “hardware” 😉 right?

     

 

                        

 

This little video that I thought of sharing here, was the very beginning of a long PT Rehab, all starting the very next day of the surgery, at UNC Hillsborough… all and filmed (soo I would remember my exercises… and this moment) by my amazing ex companion Leah   💗 … and in the hands of my so wonderful Physical Therapist !

 

The BEGINNING of wole new journey… after my life suddenly and brutally ended… on January 26th, at 1:04 am or so… all alone in my home (I called 911 as was feeling horribleeee 🙁 then unlocked my front door… then collapsed on my kitchen floor… died totally for 6mn. or so… then next time I saw “life” was at Duke’s Hospital ICU… and I looked “not so great” 😉 … like this……… the beginning of a longggg journey of suffering and pain and so many new limitations… but… my heart (the EMOTIONAL one <3 , as my “physical heart” got 40% of it killed during my massive heart attack!)