Pascal’s massive HEART ATTACK DEATH experience (for 6 very long minutes)+8 subsequent SURGERIES+dozens of PROCEDURES+brutal CARDIAC ARREST+constant PTSD
Bonjour my dear Friends!
Since very many of you have so kindly expressed a lot of interest in reading more about my crazy roller
coaster of endless health “bad news”, struggles, and sheer bad luck , undergoing by now 8 SURGERIES over these past couple of years or so, all starting with my MASSIVE 
HEART ATTACK (also called “Widow Maker” – hummm… interesting name right!? ) during which I “died” for “only” 6 very VERY longggg minutes – so I decided to group all of the various posts related to my little struggling health journey (that I had share with my online followers), here under for you to access as needed…
I truly hope that my modest words and sharings will both bring support and love to YOUR OWN journey and struggles, whichever they might be… and that they will also fill up your heart with endless gratefulness and sunshine if you happen to be so lucky as to NOT have any major health issues…
And all along I very sincerely hope that my words and sharings will also bring SMILES and LAUGHS to your day and reading of my posts from my playing silly and goofy at every opportunity I had while being in the midst of this endless roller coaster (and whenever my level of pain was temporarily bearable enough to give me a chance to be little me again! )… and such whether it was right during my many surgeries… or after… or during one of my sooooo many procedures and tests… or during my too many trips to the Emergency Room!
With much MUCH love to YOU as well as to all the people who live in your heart
pascal
ps: of course by all means feel free to comment as you wish on any of my posts… share your own experiences… and ask me any questions at all that you would like for me to answer and write about.
As you probably know by now, my entire life is, by choice, a very open and very transparent book, one with endless new surprises, turns and twists… all while choosing a level of total vulnerability, sharing my deepest fears and worries just as much as my happiest and silliest moments… why not right ?
Life and emotions are too beautiful to be secretive, shameful, or un-shared… I truly believe that we are all one and the same, and that we all also have both suffering and joys in our lives, and in our hearts… and sharing it all allows us to connect so much more and on such a deeper level, with always so much more love and intimacy, and what could ever be more beautiful right!?…
… and if you would like to enjoy even more INSPIRATION, LOVE and SUPPORT into your own journey 
please feel free to take a peek into my modest BOOK by clicking here. It has brought love and support to so many people, who all, just like you and I, do struggle and hurt at times… and it will bring such a big smile to my own heart knowing that reading this book will also bring much love and support to yours
Life is all about LOVE and PEOPLE and being there for each other … everything else is truly SO unimportant!…
After more than 2 years in the making, this book is finally completed and released and it features
100 of my original, and most popular, Inspirational Quotes (as well as very many of my Fine Art Photographs, and some of my Poetry as well), all spread out over 133 pages.
I truly hope that my modest quotes will humbly help you to dry a few tears (as they occasionally and inevitably come to our days, and to our souls, from life’s endless challenges and struggles), while also bringing endless smiles and joys to your lips, and to your heart on your very many todays, and tomorrows…
With much much (not a typo 🙂 ) love to YOU…
pascal
…and if you would like to sprinkle your day with a few words of Love, Caring, Support and Inspiration, feel free to check this new section that I created on one of my websites… I truly hope that my modest words will bring some love to your day, and to you heart http://photographybypascal.com/galleries/pascals-inspirational-series/
oh!… and one last thing to mention to you before sharing here under copies of my various health related Posts and Blogs of these past few years… it is the link for you to the DOCUMENTARY that I just released (after 2 years in the works – the editing kept getting interrupted by the 2nd time I died + more surgeries + more PTSD and endless Panic attacks + various new illnesses etc. so all that kind of slowed me down just a little 😉 ).
My very dear friend (and amazing Videographer!) Nathan Morris, and I, put this Documentary together so that I could finally share in details with you what I “saw”, “fell”, experienced etc. when I died… and to also share some of the critical things that I learned from it all…
…and here is now for you in REVERSE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, a few of my posts (and copies of some of my Facebook posts) about a few of the milestones of this journey… including my MASSIVE HEART ATTACK + 8 SURGERIES and countless PROCEDURES + my very recent brutal CARDIAC ARREST on 6/26/2020
(and if you would prefer to start reading from my OLDEST posts and from the VERY BEGINNING of the major roller coaster of all my HEALTH STRUGGLES then please scroll down to the very BOTTOM of this page to start reading there, starting with the very beginning… with that MASSIVE HEART ATTACK (that Doctors nickname “The Widow Maker” for, normally, you just don’t make it if it hits you!… ) that totally and violently surprised at the end of an otherwise super “normal” week for me filled with tons of my usual energy, doing Photo Shoots all over the place… swimming 120 laps 3 times a week including the very day before my heart attack etc…
Let’s get started my friends…
* * *
pretty funny surprise when… thanks to almost 6 years of “repeatedly dying” (but coming back! lol ) and endless and exponential new major health issues and 8 surgeries and dozens of procedures… you suddenly and randomly realize that… your passport has been EXPIRED for almost 3 years!!! 
Between my major heart issues and “still carrying around” 7 kidney stones that can trigger and bring me to the ground as the previous 5 so often did (until one of my surgeons took them out in the most excruciating painful way in a surgery with the very sophisticated name of… “THROUGH THE PENIS!” … (then up the bladder… up the ureters… then inside the kidney!)… so any of those little suckers can bring me to the ground at any given time… (who whispered “walking time bomb!” ? lol ) so needless to say… no travel for the past 6 years but… still might need to renew it … just in case the American Health insurance system suddenly became unbearably unaffordable for most!? (a little shadow of sarcasm here? nahhhhh! )
Anyways… what about YOU check out YOUR PASSPORT expiration date… just in case it is near expiration… and as, eventhough I can’t travel anymore… YOU probably CAN and you SHOULD and it makes me SUPER HAPPY FOR YOU that you can Life is short!!!… and incredibly ephemeral… ENJOY IT ALL NOW!!!!
Lotssss of love to YOU
pascal
…hummmm!? who just said ” …is Pascal now trying to compete with HOME DEPOT or LOWE’s!?…”? from the 26 screws and plates which are all over my face (and spine)… Do any of you my friends need a few of my screws for one of your DIY project!? lol
… so, whenever I get any new XRays or MRI done (for trying to figure out a brand new source of pain in my face and neck – yap! 1 more source! lol – I have clearly become like a “collector” of pain sources and illnesses… when will I get a Prize ? lol (either chocolate or french candy? )
… anyways, whenever my Doctors do new imaging and I “see” and discover yet another “interesting” angle of all the “stuff” lol that I have inside my neck, all over my face, chest and many other body parts! lol – it always reminds me of not being always that “surprised” about the endless chronic pain that I experience in my neck, all over my face and jaw and sinuses… and in the roots of all my upper teeth… since I am reminded how all those feisty super sharp little screws (26 of those just for my face) are sadly so close to my teeth’s roots and nerves…
Oh well… maybe I’ll get the prize one day? 
Lotsssss of love to YOU and… if you have ZERO SCREWS in your face as of today?… or less than 26 of them? … PLEASE CELEBRATE that amazing joy and pain free situation … it will truly make MY heart and soul so happy to know that YOU are not suffering… – whenever the endless suffering gets too much or too hard, the awareness, and gratefulness for, the fact that so many other people (my kiddos, my close friends, all my friends … and YOU ) are NOT also suffering…
We CAN always fill our hearts with endless sources of joys… including JOY for the LACK of suffering of OTHERS
Lotssss of love to YOU
pascal
PS: and don’t forget… if you need a couple or screws for a project? … I am selling mine for much cheaper than Home Depot! 😉 lol
December 2002 – so… with my brand new (“There you go! here is one more for you Pascal! – ) medical diagnostic of Neurocardiogenic Syncope (such a fancy name right!? ) the Doctor told me that my only
4 ways to MAYBE improve it… and to maybe decrease the number of times where I feel horribly dizzy (so dizzy sometimes as to not be able to walk 10 feet by myself) or pass out… are:
1- HYDRATE (I ALREADY drink more water in a day than the Amazon river on a heavy rain day! )
2- new MEDS (to add to my already too many meds I take daily…)
3- increase SODIUM in my diet to 2,000 mg a day (I had drastically reduced the salt in my diet after my 1st heart attack)
4- WEAR… are you sitting?… as this one is an…. hummmm… “interesting” one! lol – What the hell! I do NOT have any cycling capabilities… nor any ballet dancing capabilities either… so?…
But, as always, I WILL embrace with hope, gratefulness and … curiosity? … anything my Doctors recommend to help me feel better… so… I thought, since I HAVE to try that… why pick boring colors right!?
AT LEAST I will amuse myself (and hopefully YOU with these snapshots 🙂 ) , and anyone present, everytime that I will get dressed and naked…
WHO ever said that FRENCH FROGS had to be wear dull colors right?
What do YOU think of those?…. I also bought black, blue and red… any thoughts?… should I sometimes wear them in public… without pants on!?
With lots of love to YOU …. and remember that I DO LOVE YOU … whether you wear compression pants as flowery as mine?… or not?…
pascal
… well well well my dear friends …. many of you probably wondered WHY I did not post anything yet about how my “TABLE TILT TEST” of a week or so ago!?… and the simple answer is that it was, very unexpectedly, quite traumatizing 🙁 in part because the test itself is not that much fun … and also because it brought back huge PTSD and memories to me of the 2 times I died… as that test literally felt in many ways like the first time I died for 6 minutes of a massive heart attack.
For the “not so fun” part… they tie you to a table, with IV in etc. and set you at a 70 degree angle, which, something I did not know until then, is one of the most uncomfortable position you can ever be in WHILE your knees and legs are tied up flat to a table… as your body desperately wants to EITHER sit, or bend your knee down, or get flat but you … are prevented to from being tied up… AND on top of it all it gets much worse when they start to inject “stuff” lol … in your IV (and I am NOT talking “Great BORDEAUX 1964” or any similar great “stuff” … sadly! ) .
And the whole goal of the test is to keep “doing things to me” until … I fully pass out, but not like “normal pass out” where we just duck down to our knees or to the ground or laying down… NOP! … pass out while being FORCED to stay in that horrible position where you feel the blood progressively “leave” your brain and whole body…. And, as they had warned me, they will NOT STOP the process until you TOTALLY PASS OUT … so you “live” the whole progress of it… and, in my case where I already “died” that way once, the PTSD kicked in in major ways and made it… pretty traumatizing
Anyways, after ½ hour or so like this and with IV kicking in, feeling pretty bad but not SUPER bad … the Dr. said he was going to “massage my neck” which is a cute way to not freak you out when he actually pressed super hard on my right CAROTID ARTERY… again trying to trigger my symptoms that I deal with daily for the past few months and which have been such a struggle in my daily life … and I FULLY understand and appreciate WHY he was doing all this and deeply THANKED him and the nurses <3 as it is of course not their fault it that test was so hard on me – and I am SO THANKFUL for all of them helping me figure it all out…
So, after that “CAROTID PRESS” … I felt pretty bad but… not enough to pass out… and all the while I am 100% tied up and still at 70 degrees and all I want is to run out of there
Then the Dr says he is now going to press on my left carotid artery… and there 10mn or so later… I started to feel literally HORRIBLE – out of 8 surgeries I went through in the past few years and dozens of procedures, many of them very painful… I NEVER “begged” the Doctor to “STOP” or “HELP ME” but…. there as the blood was leaving slowly my whole brain and upper body etc. and I felt literally HORRIBLE… I remember vividly telling them “PLEASE HELP ME ! HELP ME! I FEEL HORRIBLE!….”
Well… that begging for HELP was a first for me ! :
Anyways… I woke up after the full pass out … looking as “white” as a dead body… which makes total sense of course 😉 … as my very dear and amazing friend Andrea – who so lovingly offered to come with me to the procedure for support (which ended up being badly needed – told me when they finally let her in the room…
Long story short, since I did not have enough illnesses and health issues to deal with, they diagnosed me with NEUROCARDIOGENIC SYNCOPE and I will share more about it in a future post …
There is my little sharing about that procedure where I was telling Andrea enthusiastically on our way there “YAYYYY ! for once I am undergoing a procedure where they are not going to cut my body, stitch it, or put medical devices or screws in it! This should be a piece of cake!… “… well, I was beyond wrong! Lol
With lotsssssssss of love to YOU … and please deeply appreciate every single instant of your life how AMAZINGGGGG it is that we can sit, lay down or duck to the ground as we please whenever we feel dizzy or ready to pass out… yayyyy to the silver linings always
pascal
ps: as you will notice in the few pictures of that morning I am sharing with you… I was in my usual “happy goofy silly” spirit and state of mind BEFORE the procedure, as I always am… but the AFTER procedure… “WHITE FACE” and all!… was a different story as it took such a big toll on me to pass out that way… PTSD sucks for lack of a better word
GUESS WHAT!? 🙂 … there is a … * Remake of SILENCE OF THE LAMBS * coming to your Facebook this friday morning!
… featuring French non-actor “Pascal Monmoine” !
… so, when you receive this message from the nurse of your new Dr. who scheduled your “TILT TABLE” testings for this friday morning… does it sounds like “fun to come”!?… nop really! lol
I guess I can therefore make the prediction- and finally being able to “see in the future” – that I WILL PASS OUT (probably many times), this coming Friday!! lol … and if anyone would like to steal what will fall of my pockets when I do and being upside down… that would be a great time to do so lol
With lots of love to YOU
pascal
here is part of message from my Doctor’s nurse:
“Hello Mr Monmoine,
While the test is designed to replicate your symptoms the most you would pass out would be one time. The test is designed to replicate your symptoms . Usually when patients become symptomatic they take action to stop it (like sit or lay down) but we are not going to let you do that until the completion of the test. ”
hummm…. sounds like fun…. NOT! 😉
*** yet another sudden crippling PANIC ATTACK ! 🙁 ***
… sometimes in life, you are sooooo lucky as to have totally unexpected Angels (the “real” ones 😉 … those in flesh with a pumping heart and so beautiful mind and soul) cross your life’s path and offer genuine and so loving true caring… and Sarah Hall Kaufman is one of those amazing beautiful true Angels
She just helped me, so incredibly kindly , this morning at our beloved Bean Traders Coffee … to walk back to my car as I suddenly, out of nowhere, got hit by a brutal and so sudden major PANIC ATTACK 🙁 from all the deep trauma PTSD from my 2 times dying + 8 surgeries, that I all carry through my days…
I was feeling totally fine and my normal self as I entered BT to work some there, as I soooo love to do , saying Hi to very dear friends Stormy Ellis <3 and Nealie Tebb <3 and many other friends… and literally barely 5mn later I could not even get up from my chair without feeling that I was both going to pass out right there on the floor 🙁 … and/or that my head was going to implode 🙁 …such a horrible crippling feeling that has been deeply affecting these past few months since it literally happens, to various degrees, every other day or so… no matter how “happy” my spirit might be… or the place where I am might be… it is crippling and beyond exhausting as those of you who very tragically suffer the same know too well 🙁 and my heart SO goes out to you and pls know that YOU are NOT ALONE in this ok?… we are all there for each other… and I can be there for you anytime you need me to… just like my AMAZING friend and so beautifully caring human being Sarah was this morning for me…
Thank you SOOOOO MUCH Sarah from from the bottom of my heart
With lots of love to YOU especially if you also suffer from those horribly crippling PTSD attacks 🙁
pascal
ps: and a major Thank You too to Dawnson for so sweetly making my coffee while I was too struggling already to do much and the panic attack was ramping up… and Thank You so much as well to an adorable so sweet barista (I so apologize for forgetting your name 🙁 ) who so sweetly brought me my coffee and a glass of water as I told her I could not even get up to walk 10ft to get my coffee as I felt that I was going to instantly collapse if I did 🙁
– lethal combination to a true French man 😉 lol ) and explain to her that contrary to what she learned in medical school… THIS is the best position for the CT scan to capture my kidney stones accurately!!! She could not stop laughing as I played it like I truly believed what I was demonstrating to her! 
– but then… my legs won’t fit in the hole right!? there is that too! 😉
Always such a joy to bring joy to the days of all medical personnel at UNC and laugh all together no matter how much pain I am in (pretty much all the time). I feel so bad that CT staff has no windows to the outside to nature in their room 🙁 so… thought I would bring a little laugh to their day
Lots of love to YOU!!! … and please never forget that LAUGHING and beautiful Os are two of the most amazing, powerful and blissful human and loving emotions to share with one another … (Os not really being an option in the CT scan room 😉 we go for the next best thing! lol )
pascal
supposed to know that you are a … photographer! lol
great thing that I could not care less about any of it since I always live my life according to my own rules 
just as in almost everything and anything happening in our lives❤
a little hour after calling my unplanned “guests” 😉 on 911 on that Saturday evening…
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
My Saturday night’s unexpected “guests” aka EMS aka 911 call aka feeling horrible like I was feeling the first time I died…
SEVERE SLEEPING APNEA and… NOT so “fairy tales”! lol
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
ADDENDUM to my TINNITUS POST (available below on this same page) …
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
This post for my friends and followers was about… Having a really bad day health & very painful symptoms wise + my Heart going crazy high to 291 heartbeats per minute when I died (again! lol ) by sudden CARIDAC ARREST this time + lovingly reminding YOU to be grateful for each and everyone of the MAGICAL HEARTBEATS of your own heart!!! ❤
) but … anyways… being unable to get out at all today I worked some more on the film that I have been preparing (with my dearest friend Nathan 
) for the past 2 years and … I just got finally the technical confirmation from UNC’s records that… my little heart actually went up all the way to…. 291 bpm !!! … on the afternoon where I died the 2nd time from the brutal cardiac arrest!!
lol number for your heart ! ouchi! … and I truly hope that YOUR cute healthy little heart is doing a great job for you tonight in the 80 bpm normal range with endless gratefulness for the little miracle that … 80 times a minute… with beautiful elegance and efficiency…. YOUR beautiful heart allows you to enjoy yet another minute of beautiful LIFE With lotsssss of love to YOU and to your beautiful heart
pascal
it confirms that the ICD/DEFIBRILLATOR implanted in my chest and heart, DID give me an electrical shock of 41 JOULES to… bring me back to life and allow me to write to you tonight 
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
Muscles EEG tests – Electromyography EMG – Neurology – Muscles and nerve tests – UNC Hospital – VLog
…these last few weeks have been filled with many (too many 🙁 ) medical tests and procedures to try to figure out why I feel so weak, so dizzy and so tired and my legs “off” most of the time and so randomly… 🙁
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
…several of you who follow my little roller coaster medical journey and the dozens of symptoms and sources of pain/struggles that I deal
with daily, have sweetly asked me what the “FLOATERS” in my eyes look like?… and what my TINNITUS “sounds” like?… well… I am more than happy to share of course… just like I share any and all health struggles paving my days… so what you “see” constantly when having floaters (I have about 20 in each eye… constantly…) is EXACTYLY this…
This photo is a GREAT representation of what those little pest/flies/suckers 🙁 look like… NOT cool! lol 🙁 and they are much more visible on BRIGHT BACKGROUNDS… like the skies… and they gently “move around” and “float” since they are in a thin liquid… …now for my TINNITUS it sounds EXACTLY like this… and it does so ALL THE TIME… 24/7… sometimes the level of it gets so high that you truly feel like your brain is going to implode/explode.. or you want to hit your head on walls to make it stop 🙁 NOT fun at all !!! 🙁 that’s when it reaches occasionally an 8 or 9/10. Otherwise it is constantly at around 4 or 5/10 level… which is louder than TV or street noise or pretty much anything…
Now about my TINNITUS … it has been with me for almost 10 years now… and it took many years to get used to it somehow (since there is not a single way to “turn it off”… even for an instant!) … and it has definitely very painfully INCREASED for the past few years (not sure why? it increased a lot after my 1st Covid shot but could have been random? will never know… knowing would not make any difference anyways… so ACCEPTANCE is the only variable for me to focus on 🙂 just like with all my other endless health struggles… ). If I can modestly offer any advice?… please do NOT listen to music for hours at a time on headsets or earbuds as the odds are very high that this is how I created that “monster in my head”… and the monster is here to stay 🙁 until I die (I meant … “die again” in my case! lol since I already died twice and came back twice… first in a massive heart attack… then 2 years later in a brutal cardiac arrest…) .
With lots of love to YOU 🙂 and I truly hope that you do NOT have any of those disorders…
pascal
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
The INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL MAGIC of your beautiful heart❤ …and mine ❤… and our SOOOOO MAGICAL “HEARBEATS” <3 pure LOVE & BEAUTY!!!!
… this is a little sharing about my visit today at UNC… How INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL is this!???… TRULY!!!…
We are simply just NEVER GRATEFUL enough for our beautiful HEARTS, which are gifting us the ultimate luxury and gift of “LIFE”… with every single new heartbeat!!! 🙂 I know that personally, I was DEFINITELY NOT even close to grateful enough for my heart, and every single heartbeat of LIFE and LOVE that it had gifted me for years and decades… all before I died of a massive HEART ATTACK a couple of years ago (but was so lucky as to be brought back to life by the EMS after being dead for 6 long minutes)… and then died AGAIN! a 2nd time, of a brutal SUDDEN CARDIAC ARREST (SCA), and being brought back to life this time by the DEFIBRILLATOR (ICD) implanted in my chest, with wires going deep inside my heart (looking like a cute little snake or worm as you can see in the video)… and this time the ICD, and technology’s magic, is what brought me back to life (my heart rate had jumped up to…. 297! – aka… NOT GOOD AT ALL! lol ).
So why not for for EACH and EVERYONE of US ❤ to decide to have AT LEAST ONCE A DAY, a brief moment where we indeed CHOOSE to be AWARE of, and immensely GRATEFUL for, that most AMAZING and BEAUTIFUL and MAGICAL organ of all… called… YOUR HEART! ❤
And YOUR HEART, and MINE… DO FUNCTION 24/7… 60 x 80 times an hour… 115,200 TIMES a DAY!!!!! every single day of YOUR LIFE, and MINE… it does not function “sometimes” … it functions ALL THE TIME… and when it does not, things don’t go “too well” (as it happened twice already for me) or… they don’t go ANYMORE… AT ALL… and your life is totally over… And all that INCREDIBLE MAGIC and literally MIRACLE… I thought of sharing this little video with you again 🙂 … for I deeply believe that the more we CHOOSE to FILL our minds, eyes, hearts, soul and spirit with GRATEFULNESS and things to be deeply GRATEFUL for… the more beautiful 🙂 this moment will be… and the more meaningful 🙂 our lives, as a whole, will be…
With lots of love to YOU! ❤ and to YOUR BEAUTIFUL HEART! ❤
pascal ps: I made a little video of this screen as I was at UNC, discussing with one of my amazingggg heart surgeons, a new procedure that we needed to schedule…
ps2: please forgive the “nasal” voice and poor sound but… both my Dr. and I are wearing COVID 19 masks (thanks but NO THANKS “COVID”! )
*copy of my post on that day, for my social media followers and friends…
Well well well… when you rush to your urologist office early morning after a totally sleepless night in horrible pain from the 7 kidney stones you still have in both kidneys… and… you are both cracked up… AND … saddened…. by a new sign on the door of your urologist ‘s peepee room … and, despite the horrible pain you are in (9/10 last night n today! ) you are sooo immensely GRATEFUL ❤ that… even though I have literally dozens of medical issues… THAT ONE on that sign…I do NOT have and yayyyyy to that!
… right in the midst of my brutal CARDIAC ARREST and rushed to Hospital and Emergency Room … I was suddenly gifted a great OPPORTUNITY ❤ to expand and advance always more the CHOSEN ENDLESS COMPASSION of my heart, and of my soul… you can click here to read this post…
https://www.northraleighendo.com/
well… when you are … double gloved… and double masked… to enter the Dentist office where your girlfriend just so sweetly drove you to since, you know, Cardiac Arrest and all ! 
you have been “grounded” from driving! lol which btw really… hummmm?… let me find a beautifully sophisticated word to describe what not being able to drive at all feels like… it SUCKS! lol
with me and break and slice up and cut both of my jaws bones etc… all around…
It is both super cool to look at like this with his super advanced 3D X Rays units… and also spookyyyyy as God knows I like to look at my SKIN (exterior) sooo much more than look at my BONES and SCREWS (interior) ! lol … but for all those of you who love medical things…. I thought I would share that tiny video that I did of his screen while he was showing it to me… such AMAZING technology! ❤
We are SOOOO LUCKY to live in those very advanced times…
And since so many my followers have emails me comments and questions about my “26 face screws” post 🙂 , for those of you who do love the “medical magic” as I like to think of it… here is another panorama X Ray of my little “personal Lowe’s / Home Depot ” 😉 screws and all! 😉 lol
than I am!!! (that should not be hard right!? lol
…sharing here with you this super useful and filled with precious information, in case you or one of your loved ones either is CONSIDERING getting an ICD implanted like mine?… or you already have one?…
ALL of the EMS of our world are the most AMAZING people EVER!!!❤ and they have my deepest FOREVER GRATITUDE!!!
* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
I decided to create this little design as part of a new Inspirational Series, simply to modestly remind ourselves, and each other, that pretty much EVERYONE who you meet, see, talk to… whether for an instant in the passing… or someone who you are closer to… ALL carry lots of “invisible” pain and suffering… emotional and physical… and most of it is… INVISIBLE to OUR EYES!
Yet that daily endless pain and suffering we are struggling with every day… is VERY present in our lives and our life’s journey… and simply making the CONCIOUS CHOICE to REMIND OURSELVES of such in our interactions with EVERYONE… will help us fill our hearts with always more compassion, empathy, and love… for those who we interact with… whether a
random waitress or cashier in a store… or people much closer to our daily lives. And extending all that compassion to them will help each and everyone of US to be always MORE LOVING and KINDER to all ❤ … which is always the very best way that I know of to live my own heart for others ❤
And I decided here to simply use my own example (always easier to use my own struggles, in a fully honest and vulnerable spirit) and my own very many health struggles, as a perfect illustration of such, and to create this little photo composition…
For example if you happen to see the little video of little me running around silly at the Doctor’s office like yesterday 😉 or anything else goofy that I might do… or you see me very energetic on a Photo Shoot… you of course just can not imagine how much chronic pain and deep worries and fears are yet present in my every moments, and for so many years now… and it is of course totally “ok” and understandable ❤ that YOU simply would NOT know what I am actually dealing with/struggling with internally pain wise, as we simply do not walk around with all those “labels” (as I did on the collage) on our foreheads right!? lol It is just the nature of life that we do not expand about our deepest struggles all day long…
And whenever someone is upset or angry or down or sad or depressed in my daily interactions, I simply remind myself that they probably, just like me, just like everyone else (except for a few incredibly lucky ones) carry lots of pain in their days 🙁 … and doing so helps me so much being always kinders, more understanding of their possible reactions or mistakes etc… it is such a great gift to my heart to remind myself of such… and such a great gift to their heart as well from my having a chance to bring more love and compassion to them ❤
Please feel free to share this with anyone you wish… and please feel free to share some of your own struggles and/or any comments here under…
With lots of LOVE to YOU ❤
pascal
LEAVING UNC Hospital 3 days after my SUDDEN and BRUTAL CARDIAC ARREST !…
quick little update for YOU ❤ … with good news and not so good news…
The good news is that I was released from UNC (picked up by my AMAZING little sunshine Stephanie)… and I felt GREAT when that happened (as you will see in video)…
… the bad news being that a few minutes right before being released, one of my surgeon came into my room and delivered the quite depressing news that… I can NOT DRIVE for… not 6 days or 6 weeks… but for… 6 MONTHS! 🙁 which took a toll on my spirit as you know how much I loveeee to go to my beloved lake and share it all with you, and many other places of beauty… it hit pretty hard 🙁 but will do my best to transcend it somehow…
And the other bad news is that since back home I have feeling literally horrible… with my Blood Pressure dipping super low and feeling like my brain wants to either go sleep permanently 🙁 or explode or implode … either way it feels super bad and I feel decent for 2 hours then horrible for 6… and sleeping is even worse…
It might all be due to the major new med(SOTALOL) that they added to my already 6 daily meds.. or due to my brutal cardiac arrest of Friday?…we don’t know yet… and I am of course also every second and with every step fearing to… “die again” and collapse again wherever I am around my house…
Anyways… will share more later but wanted to share that quick update and thank you ALL SOOOOOOO MUCH from the bottom of my heart for your AMAZING LOVE and SUPPORT and MESSAGES and CARING ❤ it means the WORLD to me!!!
I love YOU ❤
pascal
* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
…when they do TEST you for CORONA VIRUS (Covid-19) on you BARELY 1 HOUR after you just had a BRUTAL CARDIAC ARREST + your heart went crazy up to … 291 beats per minute! (yap! you read right!!! 291 as recorded by DEFIBRILLATOR implanted in my chest) + you FELL VIOLENTLY HEAD FIRST on the CONCRETE of your driveway and you have an apple size profusely bleeding hole in your head…
But it is all of course super funny in retrospect to look at how unhappy I was with it! lol I truly hope it will make you laugh some as well! ❤ANGIOPLASTY SURGERY…
(I did that one… 4 times over 2 years! Should I start to get a discount? )
So for all those of you who love medical wonders… I thought that I would share with you today this great link /video here under which depicts wonderfully well the magic of that surgery…
ANGIOPLASTY surgery is is just a marvel of modern technology and medicine!
I am sooooo immensely GRATEFUL for it all! 
This is the surgery that my AMAZING surgeon Dr. ROSSI had to do 4 times on me over these past 2 years (and inserted 4 stents inside me in the process )… it is all just so INCREDIBLY MAGIC!!!
With lots of love to YOU and sincerely hoping of course that YOU will never need that surgery but if you ever do, I will be SO grateful for you as well as this is available to all of us… we are SO LUCKY to live in these modern times
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e13TGGccvT4
ps: do I look just a little sleepy or what on that surgery table! lol
… now, on top of everything else, dealing, twice in the span of one same year, with extremely painful “frozen shoulder”… which requires deep injections which are quite very painful Oh well! what is one more 8 inch needle inside my body right!?
* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
… when you are being a “good patient” and… “practicing positions” while waiting for your… urologists to come in… Yoga positions… “DRE” positions… all one and the same lol kind of
* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
Well… UNC made the BIGGGG mistake to… let me play with a machine once again!!! 😉 🙂
* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
…when your KIDNEY SURGEON sends you a very special present in the mail… a beautiful orange container… and he asks you to… COLLECT ALL YOUR PEE in it for 48 HOURS!!!!
… when you are so lucky and privileged as to getting to know an amazing ICU and CARDIO unit NURSE who lovessss her profession and passion so much as to get a gorgeous TATOO of a HEART on her arm!!! <3
… and never for an instant will I ever miss being immensely GRATEFUL both for incredibly dedicated and caring human beings like Delaney <3 and all of her colleagues! <3 …and never ever for an instant will I miss being immensely GRATEFUL for my little big heart ! <3 (at least for the 60% of it left since I lost 40% of it to scar tissue in my first massive heart attack…)
Such a beautiful World of BEAUTIFUL CARING people we live in! <3 … carried around by such beautiful magical bodies and body parts! <3
Maybe a few times a day, YOU <3 can also (but without having to die twice as I did! lol ) take an instant to be AWARE and INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL of that most beautiful organ of all in YOU own body and days !? <3 … and such CONCIOUS GRATEFULNESS so WILL make YOUR EMOTIONAL HEART always more beautiful… more blooming… more filled with flowers and butterflies and beautiful clouds and sunsets!!! <3
With lots of love from me to you! <3 always <3
pascal
* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
… when you, of course, can’t resist goofing around while struggling with a major tooth infection and getting a full panoramic XRays…
No matter how much pain, there is still always room for us to have fun❤❤ and bring laughters and smiles to the people around us…
ps: as a cute additional note and anecdote to share with you… you will crack up knowing that, on that same day, I was creating a full team GROUP PORTRAIT for a team of… yap… DENTAL SURGEONS! lol Life is super funny and cute like that oftentimes (here under 2 of the Photos created on that day… )
my 7th surgery… and YES, as depicted in this photo, I am now a PROFESSIONAL… NAPPER! 😉
* copy of one of my recent Facebook’s posts for my friends and followers *
MEDICATIONS / DRUGS interactions if you are taking many meds to “stay around” 😉 as I do…
…a little sharing for those of you who, unfortunately and fortunately, just like 
me, have one of those little bugger 😉 implanted deep inside your chest… along with a few of those wires going inside your heart… such an AMAZINGGGGG miracle of technology isn’t it?…
Super BRIEF ” FLASH Update “
Bonjour my Dearest Friends
try to guess… where I am!? 😉 once again! 🙂
And guess what!? YES they made that hugeeee mistake once again to… let me play with the toys and entertain them! … all while getting ready for more XRays and MRI at UNC SPINE CENTER (due to new symptoms that I am dealing with).
UNC’s #1 RULE should always be ” DO NOT LET CHILDREN PLAY with the MEDICAL EQUIPMENT!!! ” just sayin’ 😉
With much MUCH love to YOU
pascal
just another day in my little ” Let’s live on HALF A HEART! ” journey…
so, guess what!?… today is my 1 Year Anniversary from the day I died… for 4 very VERY long minutes !
what I must take every day… to stay around just a little longer 😉
rushing to UNC’s Emergency Room, ONCE AGAIN, in excruciating pain…
Well! let’s be very honest! my kidney stone surgery’s post op pain was… PURE HELL!
… a modest Thank You that I just posted about my AMAZING daughter and son…
update – pre surgery fun while running more tests the day before the surgery…
* update #25 * (Day 286! ) the “Hunt for the 5 sneaky kidney stones” continues !
update #22 – Day 241 post Heart Attack – trying to PLAY FISHY again… and swim laps again…
and now a few food for thoughts about… getting a VASECTOMY! Why not right? lol
so here is for you, from my Facebook postings, a very random extra MEDICAL sharing that I did for my online followers on Facebook etc… and thought of including here in case information about VASECTOMIES could be helpful to you
and here is now a … super random lol sharing with you and as you know that I have been sharing many “medical stuff” , and as so many of you have told how much they enjoy it and talking about it freely as I love to do ❤ … so my today’s sharing is about… VASECTOMIES!!! lol – Yippppi yay to that subject !!! or not ! lol
In my personal case in my relationship of that time, my companion had her IUD running out… and she had financial difficulties so I thought to myself ” you know what?… I am 100% sure I do not want to make any more babies… and I want to help you save that money… so why don’t I, for once, take on a “serious” commitment to contraception and do my share ❤ and… get a vasectomy!? ” to which she replied “Are you really sure?…” and to which I said ” Yap! my turn to participate in a major way … I will schedule it for next week! ” … and did just that ❤ And for the many men in my situation out there… PLEASE consider doing the same… Women, SO generously, and SO selflessly, do SO MANY THINGS in regards of dealing with contraception and periods and menopause and soooo many other unpleasant things… when we, as men, have a chance to do something… let’s just do it, as a simple and deep and sincere THANK YOU for all they do and sacrifice for us ❤
ps2: and last photo to share with you… this is what MIGHT happen to you if you… let your libido win over your mind and reason just as… I DID! lol
These are my “4 times a day best friends” for over a year of lotssss of pain! Yaks! Live and learn ! lol
ps3: and here is a link to my super duper Buddy in “UP” – him and I are one and the same… ADD wise of course 😉
update #20 – 3rd infection of my Defibrillator’s scar/opening !…
Update #17 – barely a few weeks after my massive heart attack, “destiny” had decided that it wanted to throw a little bit more additional challenges to little me and… within a matter of a few hours… I suddenly lost 90% of the use of my right arm, not even being able to hold a cup of water or feed myself anymore with my right hand (in addition to horrible sharp pain coming with it all) and after an emergency Brain
+ Spine MRI that very same day at UNC, it was decided that I now needed SPINAL FUSION SURGERY (for which, due to my way too recent heart attack, happened to be, as I was explained very quickly, incredibly RISKY, with 1 in 50 or so change to die (again in my case!) on the surgery table…
Well, I got super duper lucky and made it!!!… and did not die on the table…
Youpi YAYYYY to that! 🙂 all thanks to my AMAZING Spine SURGEON Dr. LIM and thanks to all the AMAZING Cardio team that was present… just in case )
… and this is my little spine … PRE and POST emergency spinal fusion… interesting “hardware” right?
This little video that I thought of sharing here, was the very beginning of a long PT Rehab, all starting the very next day of the surgery, at UNC Hillsborough… all and filmed (soo I would remember my exercises… and this moment) by my amazing ex companion Leah … and in the hands of my so wonderful Physical Therapist !
The BEGINNING of wole new journey… after my life suddenly and brutally ended… on January 26th, at 1:04 am or so… all alone in my home (I called 911 as was feeling horribleeee 🙁 then unlocked my front door… then collapsed on my kitchen floor… died totally for 6mn. or so… then next time I saw “life” was at Duke’s Hospital ICU… and I looked “not so great” 😉 … like this……… the beginning of a longggg journey of suffering and pain and so many new limitations… but… my heart (the EMOTIONAL one <3 , as my “physical heart” got 40% of it killed during my massive heart attack!)