Bonjour my Dear Friends! 💗
… for all those of you who, just like me, live with both PHYSICAL and EMOTIONAL daily PAIN… as well as for all those of you who do NOT live in such pain, but who truly want TO HELP those who do… I just wanted to share a few thoughts with you ❤
While all that “pain” and struggles are just NOT VISIBLE to one’s eyes through our days, I wanted to first share a truly wonderful INSTAGRAM ( #spoonies ) that has brought me much support through my days, all from simply being reminded how, tragically, so many other people live the same life and daily struggles that I do in that regard… And… if YOU too also live such daily struggles 😔 I want you to know know how I am SO truly and deeply sorry for your suffering 🙁 ❤ and I am through these words sending giant hugs of LOVE, CARING, SUPPORT and endless COMPASSION to you ❤ , as we all so badly need…
So what I call “INVISIBLE SUFFERING”, whether it is physical, emotional, or in the “mental illness” category (or, too often, all 3 together 😔 ) is truly one of the most insidious form of suffering one can be subjected to, as when people “SEE YOU” through your days, their first (and often only) reflex, thoughts and words are “Oh! you look GREAT! ” … while all that YOU can think inside is… ” Well… I might look OK in my “outside packaging” but… I really FEEL LIKE HELL INSIDE, barely made it out of bed, barely made it here, to this moment, to this place, and pretty much every single instant IS a real struggle!… every single step through my days just feels like a constant UPSTREAM SWIMMING of A NEVER ENDING RIVER 😔 … being only so rarely offered a few moments of rest onto the shore… only to be thrown back over and over into that running and raging river!…” … and THAT is truly how we feel, how every single thing that you try to accomplish through your days (and that is taken for granted as being effortless by everyone else) really feels like… and all despite you ” LOOKING GREAT ” to the eye of any passerby!
But let’s take a moment to ever so humbly, maybe give a gentle hand to those passerby so that, now that they actually know how we might be feeling, we can modestly help them start to “see with their heart… ” ❤ instead of solely through their bare eyes, and assumptions.
The mere CHOOSING to be AWARE of that possible internal constant suffering in the people whose path you cross through your day is, in itself, such a most wonderful first step and opportunity to your heart, and to your entire being, to offer and exercise TRUE COMPASSION (if, of course, this is what you truly want your heart and your journey to be… and I am pretty sure that if you made it that far reading through my words… this is who you truly want to be ❤ ) – and so the very best thing that you can ever do, and gift to others, is simply to ASSUME (if you do not already know for a fact that they are dealing with major struggles or illnesses) that MAYBE, just maybe, they are indeed struggling with some (or a lot of) that so destructive and so deeply painful ” INVISIBLE SUFFERING ” 😔 … and guess what?, in way too many cases, your assumption will sadly indeed be right 😔
So, short of concrete acts of true kindness and support that do require “time” (helping them with a task, a ride, going along to a medical appointment with them, sitting down for an hour and making them the gift of listening to them etc. anything concrete that WILL make their day or hour or life slightly easier etc.) so, short of having “time” available to do any of that, if all you have is a quick 20 seconds interaction with them, what you can STILL then then gift to that person, instead of a distant ” you look great! ” is simply true compassion and empathy through TRULY KIND and LOVING WORDS (a simple ” I am truly sorry for all that you are going through… ” anything in that spirit but TRULY MEANT! ❤ ) … and ALSO in offering and gifting them a TRUE and REALLY LOVING and SUPPORTIVE HUG ! ❤
What I mean by that is that instead of a brief and distant quick polite hug… you can gift them a hug where you TRULY connect to that person’s soul, to his/her suffering, and within the few seconds of that hug, you are TRULY offering to them with your whole being a few instants of LOVE, SUPPORT and TRUE COMPASSION that they need so badly…
And guess what? 😀 if you indeed start to gift such hugs, please know that the way that they will receive and EXPERIENCE YOUR AMAZING HUG will actually almost be like if YOUR HUG was “holding them afloat” for those few seconds… because YOU happen to still have plenty of that have the physical and emotional strength that THEY are so depleted of, because YOU are not subjected to their daily pain and yes YOU CAN HOLD THEM AFLOAT for these few so precious seconds, for from their endless fighting to do it themselves in that upstream constant fighting, they pretty much never get a break from it 😔 but YOUR HUG… the GIFT of your truly SUPPORTIVE HUG WILL give them and gift them that respite for just a few seconds… and THAT will be SOOOO MUCH more loving, helpful, truly caring and supportive than telling them that “they look great!” will ever do…
Please trust me on that!… very unfortunately I know about it all first hand from my massive heart attack and 6 consecutive surgeries and the endless and irreversible toll that they have taken on my body and my spirit…
I of course know anyone offering a you “you look great!” does it with all kindest intent of all… and we always fully understand that and appreciate its intent… but I believe that it is important for those truly suffering, to somehow and ever so kindly educate those who are not suffering, or suffering much less, so that we can help everyone to be even better and more truly loving and supportive friends to us, since for the vast majority people, it is always the true intent of their heart… So “sharing and communicating” this is kind of like in a great healthy couple/relationship when you VOICE to each other what is truly meaningful and “love” to YOU… so that THEY know and can then offer it… instead of assuming for each other what is going to “feel” good or feel love…
I have always found fascinating how, even if you are someone who suffers and struggle daily, you can still experience a major dichotomy between HOW YOU LOOK versus HOW YOU ACTUALLY FEEL!…
Indeed in my personal case, I can pretty much every single day, no matter how much I struggle and suffer inside, CONTROL how I am going to dress (stylishly or un-caringly), whether I am going shave or not, how I am going to STILL CHOOSE to offer smiles and kindness <3 to all those around me through my days… while YET experiencing daily INSIDE, both in my PHYSICAL BODY and in my EMOTIONAL SELF… vast amounts of major physical PAIN, deep STRUGGLES, and countless FEARS 😔
I have learned, in my “designing of self” (as I have always thought of it, practicing it for my past 4 decades of life) that one “condition” (how we LOOK vs how we FEEL) is simply just NOT exclusive of the other… and it is so easy, for all those who are so incredibly lucky as to not experience major chronic daily internal “invisible” suffering, to think otherwise 😔 and so quickly associate in their mind ” If you LOOK GOOD… then you MUST be FEELING GOOD! ” (or at least “FEELING BETTER”).
All while this could not be further from the truth!!!…
Talking some about it in a totally open and vulnerable way, just as I tried to share modestly here with you, will hopefully help all of us to all be KINDER to each other ❤ and in ways that the one suffering the most… does truly need the most ❤
This is my most sincere wish in humbly sharing these few thoughts with you ❤
I truly hope that these few words will modestly help you offer something more meaningful and loving to others through your days… as I have no doubt that this is what your so kind heart truly wants to do…
And if you happen to be the one subjected to that “invisible suffering” as I like to refer to it, then I truly hope that those “true hugs” coming your way from many ❤ WILL bring some deeply needed true love and “support” to your endless upstream swimming!
With MUCHHHH LOVE to ALL of YOU ❤ … whether you are one of those experiencing “invisible suffering”… or you are one of those who wants to offer true love and support to them… or you are both at the same time… as I most definitely am every single day…
pascal
ps: the photo is of my poor Papa/Papy, in the tiny village of MIRABEL, while he was struggling with a horrible throat cancer who ended up taking his life 😔😥
2 Comments
Thank you for your vulnerability, for speaking what is true for you, for sharing, educating and constantly choosing to come from a place of love. I too believe in giving real hugs. Sometimes that is the only intimacy, the only time another has been touched and or heard. A hug can say so much more than words sometimes. Thank you for sharing your ❤️
thank you to YOU Karen for your so incredibly sweet and caring words <3 Love and Light to you <3