Bonjour my dearest Friends 🙂
So yap!… I just tried… once again… and as many times before after each and everyone of my last 6 surgeries, only to be stopped every single time right in my track right before I could get back in any kind of regular swimming as I always used to, to be stopped once again quite brutally as… something new was once again wrong with my health and I needed YET another surgery… 🙁 ouchi ! 🙁
So I tried again today, all thanks to the cery caring and generous minduflness of a very dear friend, Leslie, who made it all possible and got me access to a pool _ASK LESLIE IF I SHOUD MENTION HER NAME and Y?) Thank you SO MUCH Leslie 💗
So I arrive at the pool, filled with both excitment and fears all at once… the excitment is about having maybe a taste and a replay of what my life, and my body, and my health, once all were “pre heart attack” and
And the fears are about…
What is going to hurt when I swim?…
…my NECK from the spinal fusion surgery?…
…my LUMBAR SPINE from severe daily back pain?…
…my left shoulder from the ICD / Defibriillator implanted deep inside my left pec muscles?…
…my right arm that I lost 90% of the use of when I got the sudden herniation that led to the emegrncy spinalfusion surgery?….
…my kidneys or ladder or penis from my horribly painful kidneys stone surgery 2 weeks ago?…
…will the swimming motion trigger one of the remaining 5 kidney stones in my right kidney suddenly start moving and start to escalade to yet another trip tot he emergecy room from excruciating paim? then yet anotehr so traumatic surgery on my now right ureter and kidney… just like was done to my left one 2 weeks ago?… will the ICD/DEfibbrialtor randomly shock me while in the water (the accidental- or not- shocks are described as a “horse hitting you in the chest with both feet” so you can imagine how horrible AND traumatic it would be to experiment that while simming laps?…
…my ocular migraines…
my morton’s neuroma that already put me 3 times in a wheelchair those past years… INSERT PHOTO
I pretty much just feel… like a “timebomb” whether from my arms and hands ready to start hurting horribly or get weak and cramping and all leading me to yet another spine surgery and fusion 🙁 … or waiting any moment for my kidney stones to trigger that horrible pain that takes me to the ER and not even being able to breath or talk as the pain is so severe… or even worse… taking e to a repeat of that horrible surgery where they went up thouh my penis and bladder and ureter and kideney to break down and grab the largest one… (as i still indeed have an 9mm stone in y right idney ! 🙁 )
Either way, I feel in fear of either of those taking me to a hell of pain at any given time 🙁
And yet I WLL of course make the very best of it all… and live every single minunte following those basic core principles and questions that I have designed over the past may decades to lead my whole life, and always allow for my heart, spirit and soul to all be at peace, contempt and full of joy and elation … no matter how much physcial or emotional or financial pain is in my days…
For pretty much every minute or at leat every hour passing by I always ask myself those questions…
- am I gifting my time and emotiional support and love to people who do the very same for me when I am down or in distress?
- am I gifting my time and physical body to work activties that brnig true joy and wonderment to my life, days and soul?
- am I datign (or enjoying time with a lover)
And if my answer is NO to any of those questions… guess what!? I change things (or people) immediately…
Everything is based on the fact that I have an extreme awareness of how EPHEMERAL, FINITE and LIMITED my amount of “life” trluly is…”
Am I having a day of pain and emotional distress and fears?…. still go dance salsa for 2 hours!… or ejoy a eveing chatting or cuddlign with a fiend or catching movie
and many other fears and worries that I do not want to bore you with… but as you can see, for most people, going swimming laps is like “Oh God… is the water going to be freezing cold?… will my hair get damaged by the chlorine?… ” for little me… it is kind of a whole different rrange and extent of “worries” and fears… but it is what it is… this is my life, my body and my mind as they are now… and it is up to me to make the very best out of it all <3
Life gaurd
Niha
+ anotr storke person sand what i offerred today to help her and also whe she will be able to move better and teach her how to swim
40% heart dead
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